Sunday, January 17, 2021

LES ÉTOILES DANS LES YEUX: How a Woman of No Importance Never Gave Up on Freedom

 In 1942, the Gestapo put forth an urgent transmission through their ranks: "She is the most dangerous of all Allied spies. We must find and destroy her." 

 The "dangerous woman" they were hunting was Virginia Hall, a Baltimore socialite who had managed to talk her way into Special Operations Executive, or SOE; Winston Churchill's own spy organization dubbed the "Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare." Virginia, who operated under a slew of code names, including Marie Monin, Diane (after the Roman goddess of the hunt), and finally, "La Madone" served in two mission tours and eventually led an army of Maquis in the Plateau over Chambon Sur Lignon affectionately named "Diane's Irregulars."  Virginia Hall is a legend on that Haute-Loire plateau even to this day.

But Virginia was more than just a female spy with a "very particular set of skills." 
She was the first Allied woman deployed behind enemy lines,
and despite her prosthetic leg, helped to light and fan the flame of the French Resistance, revolutionizing secret warfare as we know it. Her pioneering work setting up circuits in France inspires much that goes on even today in the Special Forces. The CIA acknowledged that the Jawbreaker team it sent into Afghanistan before and after 9/11 in 2001 was a direct descendant of her secret operations with the French Resistance in WWII. 

Valor truly does come in many forms, but it rarely reaps the dividends that it should. Maybe that is part of its very definition--that quality that makes it so noble. So often, men and women of valor are the most humble and unassuming of them all. Still, as I read Virginia's story, I was shocked and angered by the discrimination she faced, even after her incredible almost superhuman accomplishments in France. Although she earned the distinction of being one of the first female agents in the CIA, newly formed after the war, Virginia was still routinely looked over, passed over, and underestimated. She, herself, even had more combat experience than the first three directors of the CIA. And yet, despite her notable successes and savvy in the field, Virginia was sidelined--shunted into the backwater accounts--probably because she had so much experience, that she overshadowed her jealous male colleagues who felt threatened by her. One of her fellow agents and supporters angrily observed that "her experience and abilities were never properly utilized, never mind recognized." 

Virginia Hall had initially set her sights on becoming a diplomat in the 1930s, but her own country repeatedly turned her down before she reached out to SOE and became the legendary "limping lady" that the Nazis viciously hunted for almost four years, but never managed to catch. President Roosevelt, himself, ironically (and hypocritically) snubbed her for advancement because of her handicap--her prosthetic leg--which was later to receive its own code name in the field: "Cuthbert." But, as so often happens as society has time to reflect, a new curiosity was triggered after her death in 1982.  The Washington Post described Virginia as a "Baltimore schoolgirl who became a hero of the French Resistance, while The New York Times called her "one of the most effective and reliable agents of the Second World War."

But, according to Virginia's biographer, Sonia Purnell, what the Times and others could not say--and could not have known--was "just how a woman of no hope, no prospects,
and apparently, no importance had risen to such heights; how, in concealing her identity from others, she had at last found who she really was and what she really could do. Furthermore, how, in fighting for the liberty of another nation, she found freedom for herself" (Purnell, 308). 

While her own country may have not dedicated any time to pomp and circumstance to honor her legacy at the time of her death, four thousand miles away in France, "Diane's' Irregulars" convened to share their devastation at the news and marvel on her great legacy. Indeed, "the warrior they called La Madone had shown them hope, comradeship, courage, and the way to be the best version of themselves," (308) and that would never be forgotten. When they talked of, shared, and remembered her with awe and affection for her incredible exploits, they smiled and looked up at the wide, open skies with "les étoiles dans les yeux." 

Despite all the adversity, discrimination, and lack of gratitude and appreciation Virginia Hall ultimately faced, fought, and encountered, she remains a beacon of light to those who served with and alongside her. Since I have read her story, she has become that inspiration to me, as well: the "woman in khaki who never, ever gave up on freedom." Those who know me best understand that is a fire in my heart, as well. 

I realize that in these strange and challenging times and, indeed, at this time of year, we are all busy and fighting for the time to just complete a thought, much less read a book for pure enjoyment or personal growth. But, still, I encourage you as your English teacher and fellow sufferer of the high expectations of the IB Diploma Program, to carve out some time to read or listen to the biographies of those who conquered adversity--who, against all odds, found a way to be a light for others. Theirs are so often tales of thanklessness, lacking the glory they may richly deserve, but I would argue this is so much a part of their appeal. It is what makes them true and dauntless heroes in a world so desperate for them.

What are some things you face now that you feel stand in your way of achieving your dreams? What shadows of doubt are cast over you that may, at times, make you see yourself as a person of "no hope, no prospects, and/or no importance?" How can you, like Virginia Hall, find a way to climb over and past them? I feel like if she were here with us now, she would tell you, "Never give up. Limp, if you have to, but keep moving ever forward." When the Nazis closed in on her during her first mission to France, and she needed to find escape at the very last minute, Virgnia had to cross the Pyrenees Mountains into Spain, hiking a distance of 35 miles, up 9,000 feet in altitude in November snow that was often three feet deep. She did this with a prosthetic leg. When she finally made her way down into freedom on the other side, her stump was bloodied and blistered and "Cuthbert" was badly damaged and in need of extensive repairs. But you know what? She made it. Freedom was her cause. It was her fire. It was her passion. It was the driving force inside her spirit that kept her going "in spite of" and "no matter what." It would seem that neither the Nazis nor Nature, herself, were any match for this woman of no importance -- this woman determined to succeed. 

 In your comment below, feel free to name and call out your fears and stumbling blocks. Then, describe how you have or will face and conquer them to achieve the passion of your heart. Perhaps, like Virginia, you will inspire others in some way to do the same, with "les étoiles dans les yeux." 

 Always. 


PS: Currently, there is a film out that in part details Virginia Hall's story.  It is FANTASTIC!  It is called A Call to Spy.  Here is the link to watch the trailer: A Call to Spy Trailer 

Currently, a film called A Woman of No Importance is in filming, featuring Daisy Ridley in the role of Virginia Hall. Keep your eyes out!  Here is a link to more information: A Woman of No Importance film

133 comments:

  1. One of the biggest challenges I feel that I face just like Virginia Hall would be being overlooked or not given what I should be for the amount of effort I put into things. Don't get me wrong, I love doing my best in everything I do no matter how big or small it is, but to be passed over or to be looked at as if I'm still not good enough is just infuriating. Most recently, I have had that feeling when it comes to working, but as well in the past, this isn't the first time it has happened with this type of situation of myself putting so much in and getting so little out of it. First, it was Student Council which I am not going to go into too much detail about due to the fact that I no longer have the ability to care for that club as I was undermined and overlooked there, but anyway, especially after COVID hit my hobby became cleaning. I don't know why, but it was a huge outlet for me and it came to the point where I was the one making sure to keep everything tidy and neat then when everyone got home they would mess it all up and I would have to clean it all up again. It then got to the point where it seemed as if I was doing all this work and no one was helping, I was on my own. I was called the "cleaning lady" which yes was funny, but that's essentially what I was and they took advantage of that which in that instance again I was overlooked and diminished. I then got my first real job at Chick-Fil-A and I cleaned less and less and my family started to complain because I wasn't cleaning anymore. The dishes weren't being done and the house wasn't vacuumed or wiped down as it once was and, to be honest, it was nice not doing it for a change and focusing less on something rather for them and more for myself like my current job was an amazing feeling, but then there was a problem. I've let it go a little, not entirely but I've recently been pulling about 35-40 hours a week while only being paid part-time vs. what I should be making which is a dollar more and full-time. I felt undermined and diminished as I wasn't being paid what I should have been and frankly I was seeing no real success to it until I was recently given a promotion. It hasn't totally gone into effect, but just by the action of the promotion I finally felt as if I was being seen and not put down or looked past. It was a nice feeling for once. To be honest, this mindset of doubt and frustration, and being looked past has been with me for a while especially when it comes to thinking about high school and college. I strongly dislike high school, in these last 2 years it has only taken what I've given and I've seen no reward for any of it It doesn't even seem as if we are learning but as if we are playing a mind game of who can remember what the most is a short period of time. It is not even fun anymore, there is no encouragement. The only thing that has kept me going thus far is my future. I know we are in a time of COVID which plays a factor, but on top of all that with high school, in general, is draining and I for one am ready to leave it behind and move to bigger and better thing because I know from what this place has shown me is that I will grow and leave and do something better with my life. This one moment will define me. That is the motivation that keeps me going and it allows me to overlook all who have undermined me because I know that I will achieve what I want and no one can stand in the way of that.

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    1. I sense a great deal of frustration. I hope you have not felt that English studies have just been about retaining information. I personally put in an awful lot of passion into the lessons--even though they are online--and have chosen novels I hope can inspire. I wish you all the best in your future aspirations!

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    2. Your class has actually probably the best and most encouraging one. What I wrote was more a broad perspective of what I feel for High school right now, but most definitely your lessons and teacher are actually up lifting and funny sometimes. So thank you for all of what you have done for myself and my fellow classmates.

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    3. Hey Mason! I know students really don't respond to each other on these blogs but I was really compelled by what you had to say. I just wanted to let you know that I am really inspired by you and respect you so much. I always have your back if you need anything, even if it's in 30 years ;)!! You are so resilient and bound for success.

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  2. When I think of my greatest fears holding me back from success, I think of two things: what I can do and what I don't think I can do. I fear the amount of damage that I can cause unconsciously. I know that I very prone to do this without ever realizing that I did it. And the thing about damaging others is that little cracks start to form in yourself and with enough cracks you can break. So now I'm worried not only for others but myself. The best way I can and have gone about this is trying to learn and trying to understand. The more conscious I am of others the less damage I can cause without meaning to. Then there is the fact that I am a self-diagnosed realist. Which in the vast majority of situations is a good thing, however, not when the odds are against you and not when you have a dream. I fear that I will crush my aspirations by not dreaming, by not daring to achieve. The best way to combat this is believe in yourself or to never learn the odds. That is what I fear, that is how I plan to overcome the fear.

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    1. Ah, yes- the dreams of becoming vs. the cruel realities. I do understand that. I like your solution though! :) If I understand your first part correctly, I truly appreciate that you care so much about others and how they feel. I know a little about that one. It can be a sword you fall on at times --caring too much and worrying/over analyzing, but I think it is a very sweet character trait. Just know that sometimes, you have to let go of the things outside of your control and intentions.

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  3. When thinking of some fears I have that hold me back or have held me back, I think of a couple things. On of my fears would be not living life to the best of my ability. I always find myself holding back or being scared to do something because of what others may think. One example of this would be what clothing I wear. We live in a society that isn't very accepting of people that may stand out or be out of the ordinary. However over the past few months I've learned how important it is to be unique and be completely and 100 percent you. I've began to learn the importance of following your dreams no matter what others may think, and to keep pushing no matter how many bumps there are in the road. In overcoming this fear I've also been able to spread more positivity on things like social media in order to encourage others to do what they want and be who they want.
    Another one of my fears would probably be losing the people I care about (including my dog lol). I think everybody, no matter how introverted or extroverted they are, always has a fear of being alone or feeling alone. Your friends and your family are your best support system and the fear that I might lose that someday is really overwhelming. In times like these the fear is greater than ever. However in struggling with this fear I've also realized how important it is to cherish every moment you have with the people you care about. The importance of telling your family or even your friends that you love them (no matter how scary that word may feel). We never know when their last days will be and we wouldn't want to regret not saying anything or showing them how much they mean to us.
    Those are a just two fears out of the many that I have, but one thing that writing this has taught me, and I hope it teaches whoever decides to read this, is that we can take our fears and turn them into lessons. Instead of living in fear we can take our moments of weakness and turn them into areas of strength. Having fears is not something to be ashamed of, we all have them, it is what you do with them that matters.

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    1. I love this for so many reasons. :) Great advice and insights here. Thank you so much for sharing and reminding!

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  4. I try not to focus on my fears in life but it is inevitable that one time or another your conscious will come to negatively affect you. Your fears can either encourage you to obtain the opposite outcome of what you fear or they push you back into a hole where you achieve nothing. One experience that I can attest to the above sentiment is when I started a Students for Life club at Odyssey. I have always been outspoken about my pro life beliefs, but high school peers are especially judgmental and harsh and I feared that. I had gone back and forth between my decision and one day I finally decided I was going to rise above the bar and take a leadership and stance within my school and to also encourage other like minded students to gain courage to speak up against the horrors of abortion. I did it, even in light of all the online school stuff. I persevered and focused on the good rather than the many hateful threats made to me. I learned to just go towards your aspirations and goals no matter what others say. I learned a lot about myself and my strength and my breaking points. Unfortunately, with the circumstances I decided to stop the club and instead decided to start a pro life ministry( Mater Vitae-Mother of Life) at my Parish. We have our orientation/ interest meeting this upcoming Friday and I am nervous about it but I am striving to think positive. I am fearful of it being a flop and not successful but as long as I put my heart and soul into the group I will succeed. I need to learn to trust in God and I pray it turns out amazing. Lesson learned is that if I listened to my fears about being outspoken and being judged for it, I would not be where I am today... a volunteer for Arizona Life Coalition,interning with Students for Life Action and even started up a pro life ministry at my church. My passions are strong but the devil always tries to put fear and doubt in your mind and ultimately you need to think positively and don't let the hatred get to you. In fact, let the hatred motivate you. I know that might sound odd, but it helped me. To end this, another way in which I motivate myself to not curve to fear and doubt is to read inspirational bible quotes. One bible quote that has helped me immensely is, ¨For do I now persuade man, or God? Or do I seek to please man? If I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.¨ -Galatians 1:10

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  5. One of my biggest fears and or challenges is public speaking and talking about my faith. The first one public speaking I have always struggling with speaking out loud. I was always the kid in class that counted how many people were ahead of me to see when I would have to read out loud so I could practice. I used to just avoid speaking in public as much as possible but recently it has been hard to avoid it so a year or two ago I decided that instead of running from it I would face it head on. I would go out of my way to speak up and speak in front of people as much as could hoping that some day I would feel comfortable doing it often. This method has actually done so well for me and I have been able to get past my fear which is really awesome. So now the more I do it the less painful it is which is something I am really proud of.
    My second one talking about my faith is really hard for me. Talking about my beliefs and where I stand is really hard for me and I always have had a hard time with it. I went to a Catholic school when I was younger for my elementary years and then it was just something I did because I was surrounded by it. It wasn’t until we moved to Arizona that I started choosing what I was doing and listening to. Being at the church I am at now has really helped me grow deeper in my faith and now it is a part of my daily week and I base my life around church rather than church around my life which I really enjoy. Anyway at church, I am really good at asking questions and speaking out about what I believe in. Any other time like at home, school or with my friends it is a lot harder for me. I think it is from fears from what I have seen from other people being ridiculed but that just makes me scared. It is something I want to get over but right now doesn’t exactly know how.

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    1. I truly believe that the only way to get past a fear of speaking your beliefs with unwavering faith and confidence is practice. You may feel foolish at times, and yes, even be ridiculed. But take heart: some of the greatest heroes of all time were ridiculed once, too. Being a person of faith is hard in this world; but honestly? I think it is much harder and sadder to live without it. You have a center--your family gave you the gift of faith; you are connected to something bigger--you have a purpose, and you are a treasure. Hang on tightly to that, and it may give you the courage you need to speak your mind :)

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  6. One of my stumbling blocks would be that sometimes I fear taking risks. I overcome that block by remembering that sometimes risks lead to even better things and that some billionaires made their success by taking a lot of risks in life. One of my fears is not being able to trust anyone completely due to the fact that I've been betrayed and people have broken my trust. I try to battle that by reminding myself that the people in my life wouldn't be putting in the effort that they do if they didn't truly trust me and care for me.

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  7. I think it's very natural to have fears. There are very few people who can claim fearlessness and even they may discover at times of great challenge that they too have to conquer their own fear. For me personally, I have many fears and many blocks that seem to be in my path. The thing is, as I have noticed, many of the blocks and fears that stand in my way have been put there by me. I am my biggest nay-sayer. I have told myself for many years that I can't do things and that I am not good enough to do things. I have let myself hold back what I can be and settle for things that I shouldn't settle for. In all truthfulness, I am scared of what others will say and I am scared of not being what people expect me to be. I am one of the most well-behaved people in my family, out of the majority of my cousins and my siblings. I put pressure on myself because I don't want to fail, I don't want to be average and yet it is that pressure I put on myself that makes me so. I have become so accustomed to telling myself that I cannot do things that I give up before I have even tried. Failure is scary. It's absolutely terrifying to me. Not being enough. The only way I believe I can conquer this fear, and this is what I have been working on so far this year, is taking risks and chances. Trying new things, failing at those things. Once I become comfortable with my own failure, I have a feeling that things will be easier and less scary. Once I get out of my own head and allow myself to just be. I truly have amazing people in my life and I know that they will support me even if I am not perfect and I do not always succeed. The real challenge is believing in what I can do.
    I also fear missing experiences. There are so many things to explore in life and so many different things and I don't want to close myself off to everything because I have a strict vision of what and who I have to be. I have to find the balance. There are so many more things that I fear and so many things that I have put in my own way, things that add on to what was already in my path. The reality of the situation though, as I previously stated, is that we all have to face our fears. We all have to be willing to be ourselves, despite the fears that we may have, and be willing to put ourselves out there. The future is scary, the past is scary. But the most I can do is to focus on the present. The past is in the past and the future is full of endless possibilities.
    -Ally Bill :)

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  8. I think that one of my greatest fears has to be the fear of not being enough. Whether that is to not accomplish enough things, to help enough people, or to put 100% effort into everything. In other words, I am afraid of failure. This fear can definitely hold me back regarding my academic goals and my personal goals. It can become quite stressful and often times I find myself worrying about the future rather than enjoying the present. I worry about my future grades, future tests, what college I will go to, if I will do well, etc. I worry about things which often are out of my control. This can be quite a difficult roadblock, and is definitely not a productive way of thinking. I just have to remind myself of this simple fact: Life is what you make of it. If I spend my time consumed in worry and fear, thats all my life will hold. So I try my hardest to keep my mindset open and positive so I can work towards a better and brighter future while still enjoying the present.

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  9. Fear can sometimes be in plain sight but I also believe fear translates in your head into something that you believe is how things will always go or will be. It’s these fears that hit me harder than the rest. I believe a majority of people could say that they are afraid of losing others. I am one of those people yet I do find peace in knowing and believing in God. The fears I struggle with the most are the ones that I forget exist as I feel so stuck with them that I feel that this is how I am and will always be. It feels dumb to write but I truly fear how others percieve me and I fear never fitting in. My whole life I have been shy and it’s hard for me to get myself to become comfortable with others to a point where I don’t silence myself. It is so easy for me to just sit and be silent. As much as I hate being this way I have found it so difficult to escape since I have spent my entire life living this way. For many years I didn’t see the issue until everything started to hit me and people would ask my parents what was wrong with me and I started to feel the weight of the many years I had acted this way. Although the realization was painful and a dark time for me as it was when I felt my loneliest, I don’t think I would have gotten to where I am today without it. The realization is what woke me up and was when I started to try and fix myself. The small steps I have taken are still steps and over time it has become apparent. But yet still today my lack of confidence in myself holds me back so much. It still pains me as much as it had before. I still struggle to try and find myself crying driving back home from places (haha) because it makes me feel pretty worthless. My advice to others, and myself, is that overcoming things is hard and sometimes painful but your small actions really do make a big difference in the end. There is a light at the end of the tunnel:) My small actions have built up some of my confidence and I am so proud of myself. Even writing this has given me more motivation. All I’m trying to say is that we are strong enough to conquer our fears and it is so important to support others and believe in yourself. Persevere B)

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  10. I would say that I have a lot of fears, one of the biggest ones that affects my life is being wrong. This can be seen as silly but it actually affects a lot of my actions and decisions. I have always been an incredibly controlling person so the thought of not having complete control over something makes me feel powerless. I try to battle that with my faith, just the thought of knowing that whatever may happen to me with because God said it will, and that I will be okay because I have God. Another one of my fears is not being good enough, I often compare myself to others and it makes me feel like lesser of a person and causes me to have lower self-esteem, I still have no way to really combat it. It's definitely a mental issue for me, I think the solution will come with time and just attempting to stop comparing myself to others and realize I have worth.

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  11. I truly believe that it is life’s greatest tragedy to underestimate your own personal power. However, that is precisely my problem. How must I leave my mark on the world if its enormity is so overwhelming? The mindset that there will always be someone with greater capability than I or that I will fail is absolute poison. I think my most taxing trait is undermining my ability to take control, to strive for a life enriched with passion and adventure instead of chasing monetary return in order to simply get by. While attempting to evaluate the magnanimity of society as well as my seemingly colossal standards for myself, I have realized that ruminating in doubt is a recipe for disaster. The process of overcoming my self-doubt commenced once I began to take the initiative to learn about myself and discern where my fire for eternal growth was initially ignited. I believe the solution to my fear is to dissect my goals, values, and strengths in order to apply them to my life in such a way that allows me to extend outside of myself to give back in a meaningful way. Although obtaining self-awareness is not an easy process and the growth towards conquering any fear is not linear, knowing that I have control over myself in the present is comforting. Accepting the concept that the future forever lies in darkness promotes a way of living that reminds me that I am responsible for how I react to my reality. There is absolutely no reason that I will not be able to achieve the romanticized version of life I have created in my head if I know what I want and actively chase after it.

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  12. A fear which plays a substantial role in my life is that I will regret NOT doing something, or looking back on my life in the future and not be happy with what my life has amounted to. Although this fear can negatively affect how I perceive my life, it also motivates me to take opportunities and place myself in situations that may be outside of my comfort zoom. It is important for me to be able to decipher when I'm making a decision only when I fear missing out, or because I truly want to. I believe some of our fears play an important role in who we are, and that fear can be used as a motivator, rather than an anxiety that holds someone back.

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  13. I know there are many things that block my path from achieving the things that I want, I would say that some of my greatest fears are of letting people down, especially those I care about. Along with self-doubt, my indecisiveness has led to high stress and anxiety days as a result. There are so many other fears that I have but I think those two can encompass a majority of them. I think my first fear of letting other down comes from the values which I was raised with, not calling my parents out saying they did a bad job but simply the way it has impacted me personally. They always want my sisters and I to strive to be better, to go further than they were able to go especially since they are providing everything that they never had. Also compliments make me nervous that people think I'm capable of doing certain things even though I doubt my ability. The other is my self-doubt, I always question my ability to be able to do things which makes it difficult for me to make decisions. I worry about it to much to the point that I sometimes end up doing nothing simply because I worried to much. Although I've been trying to fix this by taking risks outside of my comfort zone. One of the biggest risks was getting an actual job, I can be a little anti-social at times but I have been trying to fix this by doing things that make me uncomfortable, like getting a job in customer service. As well as being involved in my community. Solving my first fear I've been mentally berating myself that the only person I need to prove to myself is me. I should be happy with the things I can do and if I keep worrying then I won't be getting anywhere. I try to change my mentality in order to be more successful.

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  14. A few things come to mind when I consider what my fears are and what's holding me back, but the most apparent is my fear of what people think of me and my tendency to overthink or over-analyze what people say or do. This shows itself in several ways, one of which is how I struggle with public speaking. I'm often concerned about whether people would judge me, but I'm learning to deal with this and not care what others think of me. I have been attempting to participate more in my classes and in general when I'm with other people, like my friends. Along with this comes the fear of letting people down, as I am a bit of a people-pleaser. Sometimes I give up on doing something just to make someone else happy, when I should be focusing on my own interests and finding a way to achieve my own goals. Of course, trying to make others happy isn't a bad thing, but you have to focus on trying to make yourself happy first and not ignore your own feelings. I've been trying to find a balance for this and focusing on doing the things I like to do while making time for friends and family too. In general I need to learn to focus on my own happiness and following my own interests instead of stopping for others.

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  15. Fear is something that is inevitable. Whether it be something small- like failing a test or ranging deeper like losing those close to you. It runs deep into the depths of every human being's mind and makes their blood cold at different times. They worry about it and sometimes it keeps them up at nights with no cure. Fear is nothing new to them either. Starting at the early ages of life, fear is something like "there's a monster under my bed mommy!" to older ages as, "i don't know if i'll be able to see them in the afterlife,", and many more things. Is fear a bad thing though? In my opinion, no, it isn't. Fear is something so familiar to me. That's a little dark- and in the wrong context it can seem as if i'm scared of everything. Though, it's just normal. In things that happen everyday. Sure, the feeling of fear has been something akin to a thorn in my foot, but it's helped me in many ways. Fear has helped me overcome many obstacles through life- and, being completely honest, has hurt me more than others. It's like the little devil concept- the one where there's a devil and an angel on your shoulder helping you make decisions. Fear makes you make rash decisions, sometimes they're good decisions while others are bad. Fear has influenced many decisions i've made in both the past and present. The fear of not making it in a harsh world with not many opportunities due to the fact that the thing i love most is to act, the fear of failing after my parents have hammered it in my head that because of the lack of those opportunities then i NEED to be prepared to fail, and the fear of being completely and utterly alone because i decided to go after what i love. I'm reminded time and time again how harsh reality is- it's not a fairy tale, that is no secret. though, i've learned that if i listen to the expectations of those who expect things from me, such as parents, or directors, or teachers- or even random people who believe they have a say of what's smart of me to do or not, i will never get to where i want to be. i've realized that focusing too much on the performance of others compared to mine isn't helping me, it's only hurting me. and the things that i fear will only come to be true if i genuinely do not love what i am doing. failure is only an option if i truly do not wish to do what it is i am doing. it's taken months- it takes time to get over fears- and i realize that i do not care much about those expectations anymore, at least as much as i used to. life is amazing and if i think too much about the fears that come from insecurities or expectations, then i will never love what it is i am doing. the fear of failure only stems from those who expect things from you. but why do they expect things? because in their own mind, they believe that you will fail if you do not listen to them. criticism is always welcome- it's what makes people better at what they do and more successful. I've learned that if i listen to much to the constant over directing of those around me, i will burn out. And that is not something i want to do. I can only really, truly achieve what it is i want if I am the one guiding myself through it- with guidance here and there. Fear is inevitable, but it makes people stronger. Overcoming those fears- or better yet, using them to their advantage, will make a person stronger. And that, in turn, leads to the success that the person in question is aiming for.

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    1. I so agree that it is important to have a very clear vision in your own mind of what you want and expect; but don't completely close out the voices of those who offer some direction along the way. You don't have to follow that advice, but I have personally found that staying open minded- being willing to listen to those who have more experience or have just lived longer than I, has been SO enriching!

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  16. Fear and worries have always been a natural combat of my life. From when I was younger I developed a fear of contracting deadly diseases, it taunted and teased me endlessly, I would worry if the Common cold that I had would evolve into something much more ominous. Since I've overcome that fear from translating my fear into relief, I can apply this example to my current largest fear.
    I fear that I Won't have the chances to succeed, to be happy. I often think about what my class rank may be, what college I'll go to, will I go to an IV or community college? This begins to snowball and I worry about my entire future ahead of me. I've always had a goal to be in corporate management but my fears of never being worthy chase me down endlessly. Like the move Soul, by Disney, I feel like those huge monsters that wonder around in the Desert. Inside of the monster is me being swarmed with my fear of not being able to achieve my status of desire, just as how I'd fear of dying of scurvy when I just had a headache! But these fears transformed my life, and as I seek help for what I was experiencing, I learned to let go of fear and worries, and to experience the present. I learned how I am in control of my situation and the level of work I decide to put in is what my outcome will be. I still currently struggle with overcoming my fear of never reaching valuable opportunities but I plan to continue to live in the present and cease each opportunity I have! Another coping mechanism to use is to relax and have fun with those close with me. It's nice to take breaks from the outside world and just loosen up with friends. :)

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  17. Fears can be some of our greatest strengths but also some of our greatest weaknesses. When reflecting back on my actions and what truly are my fears, a couple came to my mind. I fear that if I don't do what I can to please others then they’ll be upset at me and change their perspective of me. Not only do I fear this but I also fear being seen and felt as invisibile. Over the years I have always tried to please everyone and I made myself come last and instead tried putting everyone and their needs before my own. I didn’t realize until last year what I was doing when someone I look up to told me, “Ember I know I can ask you to do something and you’ll do it but know you don't always have to. You don't have to please everyone.” When I got home I asked my mom if she thinks I’m a “people-pleaser” and she told me yes. That was the day I realized how much I fear the perception others have of me and that’s why I do things I don’t want to. This fear brought another fear into my mind and that was me being invisible to others. Most kids' worst nightmare is being invisible and nobody noticing them or everyone is looking at them and they have nothing to say or do. I had the fear of being invisible. If I didn’t try to please everyone, then maybe I wouldn’t feel so insecure and wouldn’t feel that I’m invisible. I’ve only been able to start saying “no” and not feel guilty about it but I still feel invisible sometimes. I have started stepping out of my comfort zone and talking to new people and trying to branch out and it’s helped me feel more welcomed. I feel as if my fear runs further down and started when I was younger and me not realizing, caused it to grow. My advice to others would be don’t feel afraid to stand up for yourself and don’t worry about what others think because the people who matter will be the ones who stay by your side no matter what. The ones who leave were put into your life to teach you a lesson and leave once they finished so do whatever you want because when it comes to you, no one else’s opinion matters except your own.

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  18. When I think of what my greatest fears and hindrances to my life, a lot of different things come to mind. The fear of not living my life to the greatest extent, the fear of losing the people I love, the fear of the future, but the biggest most intense fear that I deal with daily would be the fear of what others think and the fear of failure. My whole life I have been a people pleaser and have always pushed myself (sometimes too much) to be the best. Whether it was grades, or sports, or friends I felt the pressure to be the best me in all of it. For the longest time I would constantly doubt myself and overthink everything I did. The fear of failure would push me to do try to be perfect in everything until eventually I would hit my breaking point. It was difficult for me to admit that I have a fear of failure and that I struggle with people pleasing, but the more I opened up to people about it, the more weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I continue to struggle with all of these fears, but I am rooted in the truth the God has a plan and that everything happens for a reason. The Bible says "Do not be afraid" 365 times, one for every day of the year, and I remind myself daily that there is a bigger plan being woven together. It is so easy to be held back by fear, but everyday I am learning and growing and not letting my fear define me, but living everyday trying to be the best me I can be:)

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    1. Today, you have truly breathed life into me and inspired me with your post. Thank you so much for sharing this deep and honest reflection and life-giving observation and truth. I think I am going to look up each of these verses--today up to the end of this year. :)

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  19. When I think of fears and things holding me back many things come to mind, I think I have 3 main road blocks, all of which are put there by me. The first is that I am terrified of disappointing anyone, I am afraid that I am not enough and so sometimes I want to hold myself back because I can’t fail if I don’t try. My second is the fear that I am secretly a bad person who isn’t smart, people always say that I can do anything I put my mind to. My fear is that I’ve built a facade of the person who I want to be but eventually I will fail and everyone will see the “real me”. My last and biggest fear is fear itself and the unknown, it’s a strange fear to grasp but it is essentially the fear of failure. I could just keep talking about the things I am afraid of but that doesn’t really capture the spirit of Virginia Hall and it doesn’t reflect the person I want to be. As I was looking through the comments I noticed that in almost every single one people have talked about how the only thing holding them back is themselves. I am also one of these people but I don’t want fear to stop me, I think that we can all use our own personal fears as motivation. I was afraid to partake in full DP, I was scared of failing and I didn’t know if I was smart enough but I did it anyways and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I want to push myself to be the best person I can be and I want to bring others with me. I think it is very reassuring to know that even the people you look up to (Virginia Hall) have fears and roadblocks but they still kept going. I think her quote, and the quote by Martian Luther King Jr. “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” are my favorite quotes to live by. I have many aspirations and clearly, so do my peers, my only hope is that no one lets fear hold them back because when it gets rough all you have to do is “Keep moving forward!” - Meet The Robinsons :)

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    1. SO powerful to realize that those "giants" in history started out with the same fears and anxieties that we have. The thing that sets them apart is they moved through them. They put their head down, said a little prayer, and kept moving, as your favorite quote says. Maybe they were trembling. Maybe they had tears rolling down their face. But in NOT giving up--in staying committed and focused--they grew more and more confident in what they could do, and accomplished things beyond their wildest dreams. I say, be ready to face your fears, but also be ready to be amazed at what you can do, too!

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  20. When I think of the fears and things holding me back there are many things that come to mind some within my control and others aren't but I think I would narrow it down to 3 things. One is not completing college, I have worked so hard to become a nurse then eventually a doctor and I have been given an amazing opportunity and have been automatically accepted into the nursing program. However im afraid that I will end up failing, that fear haunts me. Secondly is disappointing those around me myself included, I know my parents and friends would never say it to my face that they are disappointed in me but it still lingers. I never want to put my parents in that situation I want them to be proud of me and my achievements. Lastly is not being who I want to be, I feel the need to hide my true self as when I have been my true self I have been told before that I am annoying and so on. However I have slowly begun to realize with the help of true friends (cliché I know) that these shouldnt be road blocks. These road blocks are mine that I have created in order to exploit my own self doubt. So in order to push past these road blocks I remember a few things; take one day at a time and whatever work you dont get done today will be there tomorrow, and "Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." -Suzy Kassem.
    I think its amazing to see people who we look up to come out about their fears such as Viginia Hall, because we build these people up in our minds and think they have no fear, when in reality they are human like the rest of us.

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    1. LOVE that quote! And I love learning new quotes! Thank you for sharing that one by Suzy Kassem!

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  21. The largest fear I have is failure, the pressure I experience from others expecting me to be great and good and not expecting failure has added a lot of pressure onto me. I understand that failure is a path to learning and adapting but I still cannot shake that fear. I always try to remember that Thomas Edison failed over and over again for inventing the light bulb but that is not always an effective route. I have difficulty focusing on that as the fear of failure often overrides my common sense. I am working to fix it for I know the thing that will hold me back the most is that fear for without failure, there cannot come innovation, without failure, new discoveries cannot be made, without failure, there is no progress. Failure is not inherently bad, rather it is what you make of it and what you can learn from it, I am simply trying to learn the acceptance of it.

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  22. I have the classic fears that most people experience, like mycophobia (fear of molds *bleh*) and meglohydrassophobia (fear of large things in water… like monsters) and other things. But the fears that have more of a direct control over me is definitely my fear of failure. This is one of the more difficult ones to describe or overcome because it's extremely subconscious for me. I may just not feel like doing something, and it will take me hours to realise it's because I don’t want to fail. Though it doesn’t stop me from trying something new often. Much more often I will try something new, do very poorly at it, and never try it again. An example of this for me was piano. I took piano lessons for 6 years, from when I was 6 to 12. Through that time I had 3 different teachers. During my last year of lessons, I developed anxiety pertaining directly to piano playing. I would come home from the lessons shaking because I just couldn’t get a song right. It began to effect how I felt about piano in general, I dreaded piano lessons, or even just playing piano. To this day I have extreme difficulty with playing and learning new songs on the piano. However I do still try. Not super often but whenever I can, I will practice a few familiar songs on the piano and attempt some new ones.

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    1. This is Wendy, I still don't know why it says unknown. It says I'm signed in through my school email.

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  23. Reflecting on my life and actions, I have identified a few fears that keep me from living my life to the fullest. These fears all stem from the fear of what other people think of me and disappointing people. Though I am a fairly independent person, I am a people pleaser. In 8th grade, I started looking into what I wanted to do in my future and decided that I wanted to go to the Air Force Academy. My family was extremely supportive this decision, especially my grandmother, who's father was a fighter pilot in the air force. Up until this year, I have continued with this plan, but when it conflicted with what I wanted to be when I grew up, I started to consider other options. Though my family will always be supportive no matter what I do, when I brought this up with them, I could tell that they were disappointed. Though I want to do what they want me to do, I have not given in, which is something that I might have done in the past. I have not fully rid myself of this fear, instead I met them halfway, and am still looking into the academy, but I believe this is a big step towards no longer holding myself back due to others disappointment.

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  24. Honestly, my biggest fear is heights. Well, I guess my fear is more about falling from high places. I used to be scared to be on planes because I felt like they would fall out of the sky, but I eventually overcame that. As for my fear of heights, I've tried doing things like riding roller coasters with really high drops and doing skydiving simulators to get over my fear. It might have turned me into a little bit of an adrenaline junkie, but I think that's better than being afraid. After reading all of the previous responses, my fear seemed kind of silly but then I realized that we are all different. We all overcome fear in different ways.

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  25. When I was younger I had many fears, and they were very overwhelming most of the time. I felt like I needed to perfect and nothing I ever did was ever good enough. I would procrastinate things as long as I could because I felt like the later I did them the smarter I would be because I would have all of those extra days to improve. Of course the difference in those days is so minute it never mattered anyway, but I never wanted to start because I didn't want to make a mistake. As you can imagine this was very stressful as I ended up starting countless projects at 11:35 when they were due at 12. I never had any faith in my abilities and was so afraid of imperfection I wouldn't start until absolutely necessary. For years I would find inspiration to do something, learn a skill, or create something, etc, and I would make a plan that was perfectly constructed, and them I would never do it because I didn't want to mess it up. One of these plans I'd had for a couple years was losing weight. I would make a plan, lose about 4 pounds then stop because something wasn't perfect about my execution. After my freshman year I managed to face this fear and I forced myself to abandon the idea of perfection. I had to acknowledge that it wasn't achievable and there was no reason it had to be. This idea of perfection could never really exist and all I was doing was holding myself back when I did whatever I could to avoid imperfection. Over the summer between Freshman year and Sophomore year I lost about 40 pounds because I kept going despite difficulties and imperfections. I had plateaus, difficult days and uncertainty but the important thing was I kept going. While I thought this would make me feel better about my image, it transformed how I felt about myself as a person more than it did on the outside. I had finally made a plan and followed through with it. It was far from perfect, but I could see now that that didn't make a difference in my ability to achieve my goal. So much of my perspective changed because I felt like if I wanted to do something I could, and I didn't stress as much about being successful because I now have faith in my abilities of achieve my goals. After this I became happier than I've ever been because I know that I have control over my own life. I'd much rather people know me as a source of happiness then a perfect drone, because that doesn't truly help anyone including myself, but happiness can. I still sometimes fear that I am not good enough, but instead of falling down a hole of my own anxieties, I can recover and remember that I don't need to be perfect and I am perfectly good how I am, and have the capabilities to improve. While I used to be incredibly anxious most of the time, now I'm just kind of anxious some of the time, so it's better.

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    1. I love reading this! And I love that you realized that in achieving your goal it was more about transforming you on the inside. That is beautiful and makes me so happy! :)

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  26. The timing of this blog couldn’t be any better for me. One of my biggest fears that has revealed itself to me recently is the general fear of imperfection, or making the wrong decision. This leads to chronic indecisiveness, as I would describe it. Sometimes it’s big things, and sometimes it’s little things, like: “which color shirt should I wear” or “which route should I take on this essay”. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is, it has the same effect on me. Instead of weighing the pros and cons and making a decision in what should be a few seconds, or realizing that it doesn’t matter and just picking one, I get stuck in my head. I can’t think about anything else, and I feel sick. This goes on for minutes, hours, days, and even months, until I hit the deadline. Only then, I can finally decide what I want. In the meantime, I missed out on so many other things that are important to me. Now, when I feel that I made the wrong decision? The feeling escalates. I can’t get it out of my head. I’ll be at home, church, or at school, just replaying a scenario from the day before, and I am unable to interact with anyone around me without bringing it up. I keep trying to find ways to cope with the fact that I made a mistake that can’t be undone. These experiences leave me even more anxious the next time I need to make a decision. I currently have a project for college that I didn’t think I was capable enough to pursue. It’s not even a big project. It’s just creative, and that’s outside my comfort zone. After a month of brainstorming and stressing, I decided I was just going to just let it pass and avoid the pain of the many choices involved. However, through prayer, I realized this project is really something I need to do. Even though I don’t feel capable by myself, I have been able to reach out to friends and gain the support that I need to move forward. I think the biggest thing to remember is that we’re not meant to do everything by ourselves, and it’s okay to reach out to family and friends for help. We all have someone in our lives cheering us on, whether we know it or not, and no imperfection will change that. <3

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    1. Yes - prayer has really been a saving grace for me, too. It keeps me centered and helps me find a way through insecurity and challenge. I'm so glad this blog was well timed for you. I don't think that's a coincidence. :)

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  27. For me, I feel as though I would not consider myself having any physical fears but rather more mental and metaphorical ones. I believe that with my personal mindset, it is hard for me to let others know how I am feeling and being honest with myself about what it is that I want. What I mean by this is that I have a very hard time letting my emotions out and being vulnerable to other people. A lot of the time I keep my emotions and feelings hidden deep down from even myself. In this way, it is very hard to understand why I am feeling a certain way and how I can come to terms with this internal struggle or even fix it. My fear would relate to this because I know that I am not strong enough to control this for myself and I KNOW that I need to be able to fall back on others when the time comes to propel me back to great states of mind. However, I would consider myself a suspicious person where I am not easily going to put my trust in others to create that sense of vulnerability. Obviously, this has sprouted from situations that I have been facing my entire life that started off at a young age. My honest and complete fear is of myself- the internal struggle of man vs self. I know that I need help from others in order to be my best self and retain a positive mindset, however I also know that I can so easily push people away and secure myself in loneliness. The idea of not knowing myself is my greatest fear which I need to avoid by surrounding myself with people that bring out the best in me and help me come to great realizations. This compliments my fear of being lonely, which I do think about a lot.

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  28. Fear is something that everyone has, everyone has something to worry about and sometimes it creates roadblocks for us, things like low self-confidence or fear of failure keep is from doing the things we want to do but it's just us making up scenarios in our heads but sometimes it might not be like that in real life. I feel that low self-confidence is a common thing when it comes to people, it happens in the classroom, wanting to get a job, social life, basically almost every aspect of life and it stumps a lot of people. Although this is a common thing that a lot of people have trouble with a lot of people have a fear of failure, nothing is impossible, I remember a statement from one of my favorite shows The Office that Michael Scott restated “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. - Wayne Gretsky” - Michael Scott. That statement stuck with me and it's true we shouldn’t let fear or anything get in the way of us taking our shots. We should just go for it even if it means we might fail, it will be an experience we could learn from.

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  29. Like most, I fear failure. While I understand the importance and invaluable lessons from failure and know of its inevitability, it is still scary to witness at first because if feels as though your life flashes before your eyes and you were this close to having your dream. Buts that's just it, it's a dream. Why focus on a future possibility then just enjoy what you have now; I don't want to be asleep, I want to be wide awake. For in failure, a whole new possibility I couldn't even think of could become available. So whenever I fail, I take that minute to be disappointed in myself, then I remind myself of this and move forward. Like Virginia did climbing that mountain, one must keep moving forward, otherwise you will be stuck, wasting your life away. I hope to keep moving forward in life, even if I have to walk uphill sometimes.

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    1. This makes me so happy to hear you say this. :) YES. I, too, want to be wide awake in my life and appreciate every moment. :)

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  30. The biggest struggle and fear I face within my own life is my own lack of motivation and procrastination. I often find myself doing things that I would call inefficient in pursuing any greater passion, however, at the same time I lack the motivation to pursue them, and with no deadline to do these, my procrastination tends to cause more harm than good. I need to start taking more time out of my day to pursue these passions or they will go nowhere and I would one day find myself wondering why I never did anything about it.

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    1. This is the perfect time in life to start pursuing and discovering! :) Who knows what exciting places await you!

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  31. My biggest fear is failure or disappointment. Like most people I am afraid to fail, but that is normal for a student because we care about our grades and we do not want to fail our classes. The best way for me to overcome this is to believe that it is okay to fail and it isn't a bad thing, it is a learning tool. Just like Virginia said, "Never give up. Limp, if you have to, but keep moving ever forward". I have to remind myself that just because I made a mistake, I can learn from that and I have to keep moving forward or I will get nowhere in life.

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  32. I think that as much as I don't want to admit it, I'm afraid of change. Don't get me wrong, trying something new or going somewhere new can be fun, but I am afraid of permanent change, and I dwell too much on things in the past. I am a very quiet and secluded person in public with people I don't know, even sometimes with people who I'm friends with but I'm not that close to I can be quiet and shy. It takes me so long to finally be myself around people, which is a major reason why change scares me. I get so comfortable in what I have now that I fear when something new might happen. I hate moving, or when other people move away from me because it's different. It's something new that I've never seen before. I think this fear of change moves hand in hand with another fear I have which is being alone. Not like loneliness, not really anyway, just that I don't like to experience new things by myself. I like having other people with me, but I also struggle being in public by myself or doing things independently. This is something that I have been working on since turning 16 last year and getting a job, putting myself in new situations by myself. My fear of change also comes with the changing of people's minds. I get scared that people won't stay close to me over time or that they'll think I'm becoming more annoying now that I'm more comfortable talking to them. It's what keeps me in my shell for so long. I discovered recently that I have social anxiety (although mild),which explains a lot about my fear of change in social climates and independence. I think my anxiety in general gives me fears about a lot of stuff constantly. I think it also impacts how I see myself, because I fear messing up and disappointing people, and maybe I just make one mistake, but I remember it, and I think everyone remembers it. I get really nervous a lot too, even about things that I don't need to be nervous about. I remember when I first started at my job I was terrified every day driving in that I would mess something up and be fired. Anyway sorry that was kind of all over the place, I don't think I really thought about any of this in depth until I was typing it out and I realized what I was really scared of and what caused other things like my fear of change from my anxiety and so forth.

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    1. I can REALLY relate to your fear of change and tendency to live in the past. I recently have figured out why I so love historical fiction from the WW2 era: because I know how how it ends--horrible as some of these experiences are, I know the ending. Not knowing the ending is terrifying, isn't it?

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  33. Ahh I accidentally deleted the rest so I had to retype it - I honestly think that what has helped me through this anxiety is pushing myself. I know it's hard, and I constantly say to myself that I can't do it, but when I finally put my foot down and say that I CAN and that I WILL, is when I am able to. I think sometimes we think we need some big change or someone to help us through it all but we're strong enough to do it on our own. Maybe you need help getting back up, but it's you who finishes the race through your own strength of will, that's not something someone can give you. My fear of being on my own is what helped me to cope with it ironically, when I push through my nervousness and anxiety and stay calm, knowing that no matter the outcome, I can do these things, I'm able to.

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    1. I love your comment about pushing yourself. In the pandemic, I have had to REALLY master this, as well. I am stubborn --SO stubborn--but staying motivated to keep moving forward in these circumstances takes a lot out of us. I am right there with you, pushing myself along! :)

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  34. One of my stumbling blocks is not trying hard enough for things. There are soo many things I would like to do and achieve. I always want to do something new or different. My interests change constantly and often it seems too fast. I have a hard time investing the proper amount of attention and effort into things. I have a hard time focussing on what I have and this leads to quite a bit of procrastination. Something I would like to do to help me put more effort into things and slow down is to organize and prioritize better.

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  35. I think my biggest fear that haunts me most days is not being good enough. I have always felt this way. This is my fear because someone who was significant in my life is gone. He packed up and left. I'm not blaming him for making me feel this way but it feels like there will always be that empty space in my heart. This fear is sad because at a young age I just had that fantasy that everything was going to be in my favor and that I will have a loving family always. But growing up and facing reality fast almost makes you feel selfish, or at least that is what I think. As I am a person that loves too hard and will give out a million chances to disregard my happiness. I feel like I'll never learn. I know that fear should never override the way I feel about something. I think that me getting over this obstacle that follows me, I need to have faith. I know that when you love someone, who has a place in your heart, and they don't feel the same way, just let go. Don't put yourself in a position where you feel like you are not good enough. Sometimes it's hard getting over the fear of not being good enough because it has a lot to do with self-depreciation. But I know I can get past this hard reality by proving people wrong and living for the well-being of myself. The truth is that I know that I can get past this fear when I have people that make the same amount of effort as I do for them.

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  36. My biggest fears are regret and and losing control of my envisioned goals in life, Personally I am able to address my fears but as many of us have admitted we allow our fears to shape us. In a sense that my fear of regrets no longer becomes a fear it amounts into my life style as I will continuously be weary of these fears and allow them to dictate my life. I have realized during this pandemic that fears may come and go just like the obstacles currently presented in front f us we have the opportunity to adapt and look adversity in the eyes. I have been trying to overcome my fears by assessing them then adapting to my situation day by day to ensure I have the right mindset moving forward in regards to my goal.

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  37. The biggest fear I have problem with is never being good enough. I constantly feel the need to prove my worth by being great at everything I try to do and when I fail at that it creates a large barrier. This wild time has made me feel the pressure weigh even heavier by this year taken away from us and it's sometimes hard to be motivated. I know this time is an opportunity to grow, but the pressure feels heavy with so much going on. I have to keep going and live day by day and have to trust that there's a reason for every season and use that as motivation to improve.

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  38. One of the biggest challenges I face is the feeling that if I am not perfect, then I am nothing. In my life, I rarely do things by half-measures. I am either too loud or too quiet, too excited or too bored, too focused or not focused at all. So it comes as no surprise that I feel that if I can't do a task perfectly, I shouldn't do it at all. Moving to Panama drained me, and I still haven't really been able to process it with the tools I have. This has left me constantly exhausted and feeling like I'm unable to complete tasks "to perfection." In order to move forward, I need to overcome this feeling and trust my friends and family enough to rely on them for the support that I've rejected for so long. I need to have the courage to trust others, and the humility to accept their help.

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    1. The humility to accept help ---SUCH a hard but important lesson!

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  39. This had been a past fear and stumbling block for me that I have only recently conquered. I used to be afraid of socialization with strangers, anxiety took over and it stole a lot of opportunities and happiness from me. I believe what helped me get through this struggle the most was being put into a social situation everyday when I started going to work. I was forced to communicate and realized how much happier and easier my job would be if I put even more effort into talking and befriending my co-workers. I eventually found out that seeing them and going to work is one of the things in my life right now that brings me the most happiness. This is opposite of how I used to be, and I think this example can apply to any situation in life. Put yourself in those situations you are scared of, so you can overcome them, and you will naturally grow to be successful in those things that you once were not able to do in that situation.

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  40. My biggest stumbling block is being overcritical on myself. Often times I reflect and think on all the aspects that I could have done better instead of recognizing the achievements I did make. I live by the notion that everything I do can constantly be better, leaving me in utter discontent within everything I do. Though pushing to achieve something great itself is not inherently bad, over-analyzing and nitpicking hinders the progress that could be made which is what I have come to realize. I used to always want to strive to being "perfect" but perfection is an impossible ideal that cannot be reached. I want to begin to celebrate my small achievements instead of glancing over them. When I notice myself being overcritical again, I will make a list of at least 5 good achievements I have done throughout the day.

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  41. Mt biggest fear is failing. I want to make my family and everyone around me proud. One thing I am gonna do is remember that every failure is a lesson and that is how we learn in life. I am gonna work hard and do my best in everything I do and I know that is what is going to make my family and friends proud.

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  42. My biggest stumbling block is my perception of my dreams and the logistical outcome of being able to pursue them successfully. I fear that the dreams and goals I have set for myself are too unrealistic. I just want to play music full time. Write songs, record songs, go on tour, and connect with people. But the reality of being a full time musician and being able to support oneself financially is not an easy task. There is no direct path to being successful in the music industry. I just want to be able to do what I love while being able to pay my bills and support those that I love. I fear that if I pursue music in my early twenties and things don’t pan out i’ll be left with no education and no direction, and that is so scary to me. But all the time I hear about people who have the odds stacked against them 1000 times more than I do and they win! They keep going and they make their dreams come true. Virginia Hall worked as hard as she could and put forth everything she had to offer. All I can do is do the same. Work as hard as I can and get better day by day. Remember who I am and where I want to go, always.

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    1. Yes, absolutely! And be open to opportunities that may surprise you! Things you had not imagined. Virginia wanted so desperately to be a diplomat. In the end, she found a path that allowed her to rise up as not only a leader and representative, but a hero and trailblazer. :)

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  43. My biggest fear/stumbling blocks is disappointing those around me. I especially fear not living up to the expectations of the people who believe in me the most. I want to do my best and succeed in the things that I do, however I know that succeeding every time is unrealistic and that every journey has it's own set of failures and mishaps. But I have constantly heard about the value of learning from mistakes and that the true value of a journey is not how many times you get knocked down but how many times you can get knocked down and keep getting up. Virginia Hall faced her set of challenges, discrimination, and the belief of "you can't do it" from those around her, and even still she went on to become the best she could be. Remembering that, I can do the best I can with no regrets or fear.

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    1. I am touched that you mentioned Virginia. :) I am so happy that perhaps her story can be a motivating and encouraging force for you in your life, Carson!

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  44. A fear and stumbling block that I often struggle with is feeling that I am not good enough or that I am falling behind whether its in sports, games or relationships. Whenever I get the sense that I am falling behind or not performing as well as I usually am, I tend to let it get to my head. Its good to have a mindset of there always being room for improvement, however, its not good to think that you're not good enough whenever you have an off day. To overcome this fear I try to look at every struggle in a positive mindset. I try to look at a setback as a challenge rather than a failure.

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  45. First, I just want to say that I have loved reading everyone’s responses. There are so many internal fears that we all have in common but never see in each other, and I think it’s beautiful that so many people let down these walls for the post :)

    For me, lack of self-confidence has always been my greatest stumbling block. I am so lucky to be surrounded with amazing people that uplift and believe in me, but sometimes I feel that others have too much faith in me. I have this fear of not being able to meet their expectations and feeling like a fraud. Because of this insecurity, when I do achieve something, I often feel like I don’t deserve it. I find myself undermining my accomplishments and the impact I have on the people around me. I am so concerned with not living up to my “potential” that I don’t know what my own dreams actually are. I really don’t want to make the wrong decisions. I want to have the most impact I possibly can with my life, and if I can’t, I’m worried that I’ll not only disappoint myself but also those around me who expect and trust that I will do great things. So many people have poured into me, and I want their time, effort, and beliefs to be worth it. But I lose myself in the overwhelming pressure and the mental battles. I think the first step towards conquering these fears is stripping away all of the expectation and truly letting myself learn who I am and what I’m passionate about. This is such an intimidating task in itself, but I’m really trying to gather the confidence and trust that I need in myself to follow through with it. I also need to fully realize that at the end of the day, I need to be happy and satisfied with myself. I am the only one who can identify what my purpose is and what dreams will fulfill me. The expectations and dreams I have for myself might disappoint some people, and that has to be okay. If I spend my life trying to be who other people want me to be and living up to their expectations, I’d be missing the whole point of being my own individual. This year, I’m looking forward to growing and becoming more secure in myself, so that someday I’ll be able to start dreaming a little bigger :)

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    1. I have also loved reading everyone's responses! :) And I love that you have enjoyed it, too! I sincerely hope (and definitely suspect!) that you will grow more secure in yourself, and start letting yourself dream bigger. The sky is the limit! Be open to surprises in yourself as you grow, learn, risk, and discover. :)

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  46. I would say that the greatest fear I face is the fear of overestimation of self-worth, knowledge, and skill. I can say that for all of my life, likely due to the way I was raised, I’ve hated boastful individuals with a passion that sometimes burns over into my own life. For as much as I judge others around me for their arrogance, sometimes I fear I will see myself and become unsure of who I am. Generally, my frustrations from those who are overly confident or braggadocious come from a place of both jealousy and annoyance. Of course, one part of me wants to be as annoyingly braggy or confident as others because despite their little contribution or achievement they receive copious amounts of praise and support. I guess, sometimes I feel like they don’t deserve their praise because there are others, including myself, who do more, even if just by a small amount, and receive nothing in comparison. Sometimes, when I let myself slip and fall into the jealousy of their praise I will often see myself in the line of my own hatred and it only leads to regret and self-degradation. My only way of combatting this jealousy is by reminding myself that the most important work or accomplishment is done without praise and usually without recognition. As such, I will often be timid about receiving praise or reject recognition out of fear that I will become the person I hate most. Generally put, I think that’s my biggest fear.

    My largest hindrance is the polar opposite of this fear, it is the concern that I will always undervalue and underestimate myself as a form of defensiveness and protection from becoming too proud or assured. Because I am always trying to shy away from any limelight or recognition I will often undersell myself to those around me. I feel like this has also been happening to me my whole entire life and at this point, I have generally just come to accept it as the way I am and the way my life will be. I do not see the value of praise or major success in life as much as I see the modest living and lifestyle I want and believe I can achieve. I have only once in my life tried to stop underselling myself and become a more confident person, but in trying to do so I realized that all of my personality revolves around being the butt end of the joke. By making this shift in my life, I formed a sort of double life where around certain people I received a generous amount of praise, but around others, I am always undervalued and unrecognized. I am not sure if this has been a good experience for myself either because sometimes when those two parties of people mix I can genuinely see with my own two eyes to two different ways I am treated. At this point I have lost much of what I previously have, holding onto only a few things in my life from when I was so undersold. When I undersell myself I limit my life and my success to what I believe I can achieve and by doing so I have created a clear and direct divide in my lifestyles, this is why I believe it to be my greatest hindrance.

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  47. My biggest stumbling block is that I'm always worried about what others think of me. Even when I talk I'm worried about what people will think of me based on my interests and if they will think I’m too childish because I still watch cartoons. This has caused me to pull into my shell a bit and rarely talk. I have been working on this by realizing I can't please everyone. I've also been working on it by becoming more social as I've realized that the best way to get over this is by just being myself around people, which includes me being a lot more social than I have been and me actually coming out of my shell.

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  48. My fear is not having enough time and this has always been a worry of mine for a while as there's only so much time to do one thing and like they say every beginning has an end. As sometimes whenever I want to do something or complete an objective I always begin to wonder, “Do I have enough time?” “Can I do this?” This is a fear of mine since I tend to have big ambitions and many of them would be too large to tackle head on but if done that way the challenge is intimidating and looks impossible and would stress me out quite a bit at times especially if I had other activities to do around the same time. Luckily however, I have discovered that these challenges aren’t impossible; it just looks that way and when I realised this I thought of the story of David vs. Goliath, although it looked like Goliath was a clear winner and it would be impossible for David in the end, David came out victorious. This story would always inspire me to keep going and push through challenges no matter how big or small they were. Eventually I would also find new strategies like micro managing projects to attack them one small piece at a time which eventually creates the larger piece, kind of like a large puzzle. In this I believe that anybody can do anything or be anybody they just have to believe in themselves and not give in to pressure whenever it presents itself and to also live life to the fullest by using each second to maximum efficiency to make sure that no time is wasted whether that's with important projects or with family as tomorrow may be the last.

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    1. YES!!! David and Goliath is a story I go to, as well. GREAT vision to keep in your mind as you face "impossible" challenges. Keep the faith!

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  49. When I think about what my fears or stumbling blocks are, there are two main ones that I think stand out. The first being that I fear not being good enough, or not doing enough on a day-to-day basis. This is a fear that I struggle with almost daily, whether it comes to my friendships, school, or dance. This plays a big role in my dancing, as I often think after a performance if that was good enough. I see that fear a lot in dance, whether or not I feel good enough to be in a dance or be on a dance team. Instead of appreciating my performance I worry how good that looked or if it was performed well. I think that I feel this even when I'm in school or worrying about if I am doing enough to reach my goals. In my mind, my failure to reach these goals will ultimately be because I didn't do enough to accomplish them. This affects me in my every day life because sometimes I feel that what I'm doing isn't enough so why even try, I have missed out on a lot of good opportunities for this reason. My second fear that I can think of is always worrying about what other people are thinking of me. Once again, I see this fear in every aspect of my life. It has stopped me from going to many events, or missing out on a lot of fun opportunities. I often feel that I am being judged in dance because I can't do a certain trick or I don't perform as well as the person dancing next to me. I sometimes worry about what other people are thinking of me during class or when I present. When we were back in person, I worried about it but would sometimes speak anyway, however, now that we are on Zoom I think that has held me back even more. One way that I have started to get rid of this fear is realizing that my fears are based off of things I can't control. I cannot control whether or not people feel that I am good enough. I can't control what other people think of me. At the end of the day, what I think is the only thing that matters. I think that has helped me in controlling these fears and slowly get over them because like I said, at the end of the day, no one else's opinions of me really matters, so I might as well do what I want.

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    1. I think your realization about control is SO insightful! You know, someone once told me, "What other people think of you is none of your business." It may sound harsh, but it is also freeing! Keep doing what you LOVE. Dance with your heart, and put your all into it. People will see you love and are passionate about it - that you care--and if they don't? Keep dancing anyway. :)

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  50. I would say I have many fears or stumbling blocks. I'm afraid of failure, of not being good enough, etc. Impostor Syndrome is definitely something I have used to describe my feelings towards goals in my life. What I have to remember is, however, that failure is almost better than succeeding. Because failure means that you tried (which is important) and that you are human. Failure allows you to grow as an individual. In regards to being good enough, well, you really have to set aside the expectations of others and focus on your own expectations for yourself. And if you can't meet your own expectations, then you might be too harsh on yourself. Perfection isn't expected from the get go. Perfection should never be expected. What matters is that you're happy.

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  51. One of my biggest fears or stumbling blocks is laziness. Often, I don't feel very motivated for much, although I wish I was. There are rare moments where I will truly have a passion for something, and I feel like I can truly give it my all and enjoy myself with whatever it is, however this is uncommon. A way that I am trying to overcome this is by finding the inner value in everything, in order to be able to find the purpose in giving my all to everything I do.

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  52. Fears. There are many things I fear, however, not every fear becomes a giant road block for me. That road block is one giant fear that leads to all the rest of my fear. For me, that fear is being seen.

    I don’t mean being seen with others eyes, no, I mean being seen beneath the personas I make to fit what everyone expects of me. My interests, hobbies, feelings, many of those I have a specific, generic answer that I use no matter what. And while I do enjoy and take interest in all the things I tell people about, those are not the only things that interest me. I tend to hide some of my interests because they don’t fit the jock stereotype or the studious stereotype. This fear has followed me around for a long time, probably as soon as I realized I would be marginalized for some of my interests. Instead I concocted personalities, that are true sides of me, to fit the mold I thought was expected of me. Thankfully, in recent years I have found small pockets of understanding and built my confidence in my interests. This has led me to begin sending out feelers and I will work hard to gauge the level of acceptance each person will give to me. This fear has not completely disappeared and it still lingers in the back of my mind, but I am working to open up and trust the people around me.

    Being seen doesn’t just apply to my interests though, it also applies to my abilities. In most everything I do, it feels as though I am pretending to be good at it. Am I athletic? I don’t think so. I mean come on, I’m the slowest person on the basketball team and don’t have much endurance. Am I smart? I’m incredulous that people believe that because half the time I am BSing my way through an answer and only do that to prevent teachers from calling on me when I have no clue what's going on.I’m told I have a good memory and yet can’t remember simple things I learned in 9th grade. All of these fears of not being what is expected of me really, really scare me. I wonder what will happen if I can’t live up to expectations, how will everyone react, what if I ruin all chances of success in the future. These thoughts are hard to tamp down and ignore. Sometimes I just shut down. But I’ve been trying to remind myself when I think of these things that people don’t just like me for my grades, it's not just being able to run fast that makes you athletic, everyone forgets things, and it's OK to not be perfect.

    My fears are large and wide ranging but through small actions every day, I hope one day they will shrink until they can’t overwhelm me.

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    1. Oh, my, Darby! You sound just like me when I was in high school! I was always waiting to be "found out!" I wasn't such the great writer everyone thought --maybe I just kept getting lucky in my papers? I never felt as smart as my peers - they seemed to have it all together. And math class? THAT was one of Dante's levels of torture to me! I have memories of being scared to death before a geometry or physics exam. Just know this: you are NOT alone! You are smart, you have a great sense of humor, and it is okay if you don't remember everything and are the slowest person on the basketball team. What really matters? You suit up, show up, and give it your ALL while you are there. I see that in you, and that is what matters the most. :)

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  53. (This is Emmaline by the way, had a hard time logging into my account on this computer) One of my biggest fears is not being enough, both for other people and myself. There are probably things I might've tried if not for the fear of failing or letting people down. When it comes to school, I have always tried so hard to keep the straight A's and the good grades, and I feel like a failure when I can't do that. What's helped me get past this is recognizing that no matter what I do, I can't be perfect. I'm going to let people down, and I'm going to let myself down. Knowing this, I have to remember that all I can do is try my best at whatever I do. Especially in these crazy times, remembering that my effort and attitude is something I can 100% control is what gives me the courage to try new things. Remembering this is what empowers me to get through my fears and try new things without fear of disappointing myself and others.

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  54. After reading a lot of my peers' comments, I realized even more how much I struggle with pessimism/lack of faith. I was raised Catholic but got into philosophy in 8th grade and became a little too rational for my own happiness-- "Ignorance is bliss" but I refuse to be ignorant. Sartre's Being and Nothingness coupled with the horrible, anti humanistic moral stances taken by the church (pro life, anti LGBT, indoctrination without much room for nuance and critical thinking) led me to an atheist stance. Since we live in a very religious area (and I'm one of the only atheists at school), I've always felt like I don't "fit in" because of this. I'm glad to not live a life in "bad faith" as Sartre would say, but there are two problems that have arisen from this: 1) I feel alienated by religious friends and family and think they see me as "a heathen" (sound familiar?), 2) I believe in no higher power to "have faith" in when times are hard and struggle with a really pessimistic worldview.
    Second, I have always struggled with an extreme perfectionist complex from a very young age. Until high school, it never really posed a problem for me. I was praised for doing the most and producing good quality work. Over time, it really messed up my mental health and perception of myself. Even though school makes me miserable and I especially hated high school (I feel like a hamster on a never ending hamster wheel), it gave me good results so I'm not sure I want to change. I've definitely never been happy in life but I don't know that I've ever valued that until recently. Being at home has made me have to sit with how miserable I really am, which has been very rough, and sitting in that has made me less productive. I honestly have always tied my self worth to my academic performance so being less productive now has made me feel unworthy and consider dropping out (I won't but I just want to graduate).
    Even though I struggle with lack of faith, I am strongly convicted to humanist morals such as justice and equality for marginalized peoples. After high school, I am SO excited to go to Yale and obtain the proper education to start a career to further these ideals. I am really looking forward to go to Yale and find "my people" because I never really had friends that fully understood me or was able to pursue my interests academically here. I'm still debating whether I will do anything to change my perfectionist complex. It has served me well... I will probably start going to therapy again and start reading for pleasure again to try to bring some joy into my life.

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  55. My biggest fear is being vulnerable. I feel like this is why I’m not an outgoing person and why I feel as if I’m always running away from my problems. I’ve realized that this is why I’m not really close with anyone in my life. This fear has stopped me from taking initiative and actually accomplishing what I want done. I attribute this fear to me not being very trusting and me being critical of myself. I’ve realized that I’ll always be unsatisfied with my performance and the person I am but I can’t seem to get this through to myself and let myself go. I don’t like having to rely on others because I fear they may let me down. I’ve gotten around these fears by keeping to myself and doing things on my own. This way of life has gotten me thus far but I can’t seem to connect with others the way I see everyone else does. It’s my junior year and I’ve never considered myself a part of any friend group throughout high school. I’ve always felt out of place. I never really open up to anyone and when I do I don’t actually open up. I feel like this assignment is the most I’ve actually talked about what's on my mind in a while.

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    1. Gabriel, I so appreciate your opening up here and letting me know more about you! How amazing it is that you can reflect in this way so deeply! I want to tell you right now that you are not out of place. You belong. You have a very important purpose in life and that matters as you are the only one who can fulfill it. :) I am so looking forward to the day we are all back in class together, as I feel that especially in this class of kids, you will find your niche. :) Thank you so much for sharing this. I am honored.

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  56. After a lot of reflection I've decided I think my biggest hindrances are expecting too much of myself and with that, not knowing where to draw the line. I would say this applies and seeps into every aspect of my life. I take too much on and burn myself out. I take on other peoples emotions and issues because I want to help so badly. Though my intentions are good, it makes things harder for me and can hold me back. It can be draining and overwhelming because I don't know how to draw the line between being there for them and giving everything I have.I tell myself I can do it and I would say it's the same for most things. I stay involved in a lot of things knowing that I don't have the time or energy for all of it. I want to do it all and don't know what to give up and what to prioritize. I want to give my 100% to everything and that isn't even remotely realistic. I try to give everything I have to everything and everyone. Which means I am sucking myself dry and still not doing the best I can in even just one thing because I don't find that balance. Despite being aware of things like how long it takes me to process and get work done I still take difficult classes, ones with lots of assignments, because I know I'm capable of success. I just don't give myself the room I need to grow and do my best because I feel the need to fill up everything I have. It leads to falling behind and constant disappointment on my end. And, whether it's true or not, I feel like I'm letting down the people all around me too. It has probably cost me a lot of improvement in my life and is something I need to work on. Setting boundaries for myself and with others. Finding balance in my life. Being aware. Knowing I don't have to perfect and that doing my best doesn't mean giving all that I have to that one thing.

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    1. I really love the advice you offer yourself at the end. :) SO true. It is very hard for people who deeply care about others and want to do it all! Sometimes, it's necessary to let some things go...take a deep breath, and give yourself grace.

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  57. My biggest fear and stumbling block has to be my anxiety. I started to get really bad anxiety in 8th grade, always worried about what people thought of me, always worried that no one would like me, always worried about people making fun of me. I was always overthinking every situation and making it so much worse. It always led back to the way I looked at myself and how I saw myself was exactly how everyone else saw me. I was thinking the worse of myself. But, I somehow overcame this fear, it has taken many years even though I don't think it will ever go away, I don't see myself the same way I used to.I also struggle with social anxiety, but being able to have a job and having to talk to people has helped so much and growing in relationships with my coworkers has helped me with my social anxiety.
    I hope that with realizing how far I have come will help me in the future when my anxiety kicks up. I will remember myself getting past it and I will know that whatever the problem is, I can face it.

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  58. I guess one of my struggles is public speaking. I'm always nervous of what others think about me. I get nervous when there is the possibility of me messing something up. A way to overcome this is to just believe that people aren't thinking about me since they got their own things to worry about I guess.

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  59. My greatest fear would be not being able to keep the pace with other people when learning or working. The reason why this is my greatest fear is that not being able to keep the same pace with other people will start to make you feel insignificant and make you think that something is wrong with you. I believe that this is sometimes what causes people into a spiral of depression because it makes you feel that if you can't keep up with others that means you are of no use and that you are worthless or a mistake. Although in the end you just need to push yourself harder to keep up the pace with others its still the worst feeling to endure, making yourself feel insignificant to others and to never be able to achieve anything in life.

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    1. I have a couple things to say...
      1. Work at your pace. You learn in a unique way and in your time. That's okay. I can see you are a hard worker, and you don't give up. THAT is what matters most.
      2. There is nothing wrong with you and you are NOT a mistake. You are here for a VERY special purpose, and the fun and exciting part of life is figuring out what that is.
      3. Never quit. Keep moving forward. Having to work a little harder than others, in the end, gives you a great advantage. :)

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  60. One of my fears that I have come to notice lately is the fear that I have of the unknown or of things that I cant control. I like to think that I dont have a lot of fears because I have the mentality that I can overcome whatever I put my mind too which is really freeing for me. However sometimes life puts you in circumstances that are out of your control. These possible future experiences are my fear as I will be powerless to the outcome and will have to change my attitude to except whatever comes my way. I love having things planned out because I feel like I am in control of my destiny however sometimes God takes the wheel so to speak haha and life is anything but predictable. And actually sometimes the best experiences are unexpected so by letting loose a little bit I hope to have less stress when it comes to what comes next and instead enjoy the present becasue it is a gift. Ive learned that by living in the future its harder to enjoy whats happening now. Understanding that as long as I do my best everything will work out and whatever happens will happen will help me as i continue to overcome this stumbling block ;)

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  61. I struggle with deeply rooted anxieties that have slowly crept into just about every part of my life. Unfortunately, no matter what I seem to do i.e. therapy and medication I just can't seem to shake it. Although, somehow life goes on and while my anxieties have often tricked me into believing that life is way worse than it is, I feel as though by accepting my mental state I am able to enjoy life and its beauty more. More recently, my family just received orders to move again this summer, and I hate moving. Yes, this doesn't seem like a big deal on the surface but my family and I have never lived in the same place for more than three years my entire life. This move will mark the seventh PCS my family has experienced. It is often hard to have the motivation to start over every three years and watching old relationships that I worked so hard to build fade. And it begs the question: why should I even try when I know that I will be nothing but a memory in a matter of 2/3 years? This question is no stranger to the Hess household as it comes with a military lifestyle. However, this move, as moves always do will work itself out. No doubts about it. Will it be hard? 100%. But I am happy to say that PCSing has not taken down me or my family yet and we don't intended to let it anytime soon. So, I plan on 1. Trusting and praying that God will get us through it (as he always has) 2. Believing that life is more than hitting the restart button every three years and 3. Loving and being there for my family.

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  62. I struggle with the fear of being lost... or homeless. I'm afraid I'll take a wrong direction in a career that I'm pursuing and that I won't be able to meet expectations. I have these expectations set from my family to dedicate myself to a career that I am not sure I want to pursue. It devastates me to disappoint them. If I am not able to meet expectations in a career, then I won't have enough money to maintain myself and I will end up homeless or with a job I hate. This is the society we live in; Americans live to work. So then, I am lost, I wish I knew for sure what career can make me the happiest because that can provide me with some comfort. But I know that God has my life in his hands, and I'll be okay.

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    1. Yovira, I will encourage you here to take your time, and get to know your strengths and your passions. My father always told me: love what you do first...REALLY love it, and the money will follow eventually. What's more, you'll never work a day in your life. I have yet to meet anyone who worked harder than my dad; but you know what? He ALWAYS worked with a smile, energy, and gratitude. He found something to love in every job he ever had. That's what I admired most about him. So much of what we do is in attitude. If we go in finding the good in it--having a heart of gratitude--it can make a difference. I have no doubt you will be a success! You are so insightful and articulate. You are in EXCELLENT hands. ;)

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  63. Rebekah Bosc

    Fear; I try to live despite it, to push through and ignore it, but I tend to draw closer in times of anxiousness. I fear making someone feel the way I have felt. I fear being the reason someone is self-conscious, in pain, overthinking in a bad way. I never want to verbally or mentally make someone feel unworthy of life or of unwelcome. I’ve been through many different homes and introduced to many families and one thing I will never forget is the way some people made me feel. I grew up around verbally and physically abusive people and in anxious times, sometimes I tend to fight back with words. I never learned from siblings- even though I have 9 of them- until my two youngest siblings came what unconditional love and kindness was. I grew up knowing fighting, bitterness, and so much more and this led to my fear of saying something to someone and making them feel the way that I’ve felt in the past. I want to be a person people lean on, feel comfort around, and come to when they need someone.

    Another one of my fears has to be failure. I know this is one of the worst ones, but I grew up being the most hardworking of my siblings. I was a straight A student who was expected so much more from my mother than my siblings were. I had more chores, more rules and responsibilities, and my expectations were so much higher from my mom. Any time I struggled, it reflected on my ability to succeed. Any low grade in school led to my mom questioning if I was smart enough, hard working enough, and I never wanted to be the kid who was expected of so much and failed. I never want to fail as a big( or little )sister. Because my siblings need the love that I know isn’t getting fed to them. I never want to fail as a student, but recently my energy has been so low- some health issues, some with lack of sleep and eating, and partially because I just need a little bit more love coming back because I spend so much time trying to love on others. I fear the failure of being a quality daughter, fear not being able to financially support myself or mentally give myself back what I need.


    Lastly, I fear loss. I’ve lost so many people in my life. I lost my grandma who was my best friend, my guardian, my emotional support and my guide through life. I lost my father and my step siblings. I’m losing my stepdad and I’m losing my siblings because everyone is so spread out and as much as I try to keep contact, they just don’t give back. I fear loss of respect. As I work, I know that I work with all my energy but because I’m the youngest and female, as well as small, I don’t have the respect that I should be getting. I simply try to communicate as much as I can- which I learned from Dutch- and since there is such a lack of communication, people mistake me as bossy. I also fear the loss of comfort, which I know is never supposed be a fear because removing yourself from your comfort zone is the only way to grow.

    I just know that in all of this, God has my back. I’ll grow, learn, and face my fears and life Will kick me in the butt, but with Him, anything is possible.


    My laptop is being really weird so if this doesn’t post as me logged in, it’s bekah.

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    1. I love your raw honesty here. That is a special gift to be able to be honest to yourself and others; to recognize areas where you struggle, and where you need to grow. I am so sad to read about the loss you have experienced. I am so, so sorry for all you have gone through and the pressures you put on yourself. That must truly feel like a nightmare at times. I can tell you that I see that all of these experiences have made you the empathetic, caring, appreciative, grateful, and hard working young woman that you are, and you WILL be successful because of that! You are right, God ALWAYS has your back, and loves and accepts you no matter what. I truly admire you!

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  64. One of the stumbling blocks I am having during these is staying committed and staying strong. This applies to many factors of my life; school, work, my faith, friends and family. With the pandemic having taken over our lives for the past year it has been a struggle to keep staying on top of my school work and finishing it on time, paying attention during online class, trying to stay positive throughout the day being stuck at home a majority of the time, etc. There have been many instances where I have gotten angry and just wanted to give up. To try and combat these struggles I have, I am going to remind myself that there is always someone who is suffering more than I am, and I should be thankful for the countless blessings I already have. I will try to remind myself in these hard times that I'm almost there, and in the end it will all be worth it.

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    1. I LOVE your self talk and motivation. Yes, it is these hardest of times that really carve our character and make us stronger in the broken places. :)

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  65. One of my biggest fears is that of rejection. I dont take risks when i should and like to keep to myself because of the fear that when I reach out ill be in the wrong. This also is a motivation for me as well however and without it I wouldn't be the person who I am today. In a way throughout my daily life with church, family, school, friends and sports it is constant with me that fear of being rejected. I end up expecting the worst from everyone and trusting people is hard because when i do open up it ends badly and makes me recoil more. It is very much something which I have realized occupies a lot of my time and prevents me from doing things it also has caused me to lose a lot of important people in my life because if they reject me after I trusted them I simply reject them and don't look back. One way in which I can work on this though is recognizing that need to stay away from people when I get to close to them otherwise ill miss even more opportunities.

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  66. I struggle with fear of everything in a way, I am constantly questioning myself at times whether I am enough or not. More specifically a fear of mine is the future and more even of being alone. I am scared of being unsuccessful and losing my loved ones especially. I am mentally strong, however there are instances of how life can beat you down. My biggest fear opposed to the future is being alone and this can be present within everyone's daily life because of how not only human interaction is within our human nature, but how humans generally need love. I love my family very much and this fear is a reoccurring topic some days, my parents have always told me how fast life goes by, for the longest time I simply brushed it off. As time continues, I am beginning to realize how time flies because of how it felt as if yesterday was my first day as a freshman.

    When thinking of this fear, I often think about solutions to it as well. I am capable of overcoming this fear because of how I have taught myself to see where I came from and think of home. Within everyone's life and mindset, it is important to know and understand regardless of how terrible everything seems to be, there is always light and positives to everything.

    I believe all of out fears are what enlighten the idea of true success, such as how attitude and mindset are key, regardless of the situation.

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    1. I so love this line: "Within everyone's life and mindset, it is important to know and understand regardless of how terrible everything seems to be, there is always light and positives to everything." How true that is, Martin! Keep doing that. Keep that positive mindset, and you'll go far, and what is more, life will be beautiful.

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  67. One of my greatest struggle is my social anxiety. I have always been nervous when in many different social situations and always overthink everything I say which leads to many awkward moments which I deeply dread. There have been many times when going out or even going to school where I have been scared to go up and talk to people which, even as a senior I have not gotten fully over. This has led to many difficulties through my life, however, through more practice this can eventually be improved. Another major struggle of mine has to be that I do not let go of things that have happened that I cannot control and there have been many times where I have been upset for way longer than I should have been over something I can't change at all. Through letting these things go, I would be able to get through a lot of struggles and emotions a lot easier if I were able to let go of thing easier. One of my fears is the fear of loss. Though I have not lost too many family members, I majorly fear losing them and what I would do with myself if they ever were out of my life. I also fear the loss of relationships with friends that I have built relationships with over many years which would majorly change my life. The final fear I am going to list is the fear of the future and what it has in store for me and whether I will be successful with my desired path.

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    1. I am actually surprised to hear you struggle with social anxiety, and I think that is a great tribute to your efforts to work through that! I have truly enjoyed listening to your ideas and interpretations of our novel in class, and I know that your classmates truly value your insights! Sometimes, in calling out our fears, we begin to tackle them. Keep trying, and don't let your life be ruled by fear. No doubt that loss is a very scary thing--as I grow older, it becomes a more present part of my life. I think the key is to really appreciate and enjoy the people you love while they are here: in the NOW. No regrets. :) Thanks so much for your honesty!

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  68. One of my biggest fears is the fear of failure. My whole life I have been extremely competitive and I hated to lose. It got to a point where I expected myself to do well and I had a feeling that everyone thought the same of me as well. It was so bad that when I competed I expected so much out of myself that I would literally beat myself up after any sort of loss. I always feared losing and how embarrassed I would feel afterwards. It took time and more maturing to realize the losing is apart of life and it is how you can handle losing. Sometimes losing is better than winning and my outlook has changed so much. Losing is just a lesson to learn and it makes me work harder each day knowing that I lost. Although I still might fear losing just a bit, I have learned to live with failure and I have accepted it into my life. I am glad that I have learned to live through the fear of failure because in today's world, it would be tough to not able to live with the fear of failing. Taking risks is a big part of life and not taking risks because of the fear of failing could limit you life.

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  69. One of my biggest stumbling blocks is being shy and dealing with the misconceptions that go along with it. For example, just because I am shy doesn't mean that I don't have anything to say. In the end, I feel that my fear of speaking up is drastically hindering me from developing good public speaking skills which I know I will need to have going forward. I still struggle with speaking up and saying what's on my mind, but I find myself starting to worry less and less about it as the years progress and believe that, in my own way, I am improving my public speaking skills. My battle with being shy is still ongoing and I try to combat it by taking small initiatives here and there to share what's on my mind and by continuing to improve my presenting skills when the opportunity arises.

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    1. I think you have made some excellent strides already in class. You have your camera on, you are engaged, and when I ask you to share, you do, and you are very articulate. I applaud your efforts to improve your presenting skills, but I hope you never change who you are. From one pretty shy person to another, we introverts are important! :) It's okay to take the time to process inside before you speak.

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  70. One of my biggest stumbling blocks during these times is continuing to stay motivated with school, and senior year in general. When I started high school all I looked forward to was becoming a senior and finishing off with the most fun and memorable year ever, however all that was stripped from us due to the virus. When I was in school it was easier to continue to stay motivated to work hard in school and do as many things as possible in and outside of school to keep myself busy, however now I don't want to do anything and everything just seems like something to do to waste time until I finally go to college. The only thing i've been looking forward to my senior year is it finally being over. However thats not how it should be, I need to try to be more positive and try to make the best out of everything, though it is hard, it is necessary during this time.

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  71. You have uncovered a GREAT secret: you know what defines you. This is beautiful, Celeste. That is actually my favorite Psalm, and I have had to reflect and re-reflect on it many times. It is now on my mirror in my bathroom. I see it every morning as I get ready. It reminds me that I am exactly who I was meant to be. :) He DOES have a plan for you, and I bet it's even bigger than you can imagine yet! (Just look at Virginia! She wanted to be an ordinary diplomat. She became a hero to all of France!)

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  72. One of my biggest stumbling blocks is finding confidence in the things that I am passionate about and also in my insecurities. As I have gotten older and social media has become more emphasized, people have been more willing to share their opinion whether it be offensive, degrading or in rare cases something they genuinely care about. This in turn has influenced me to become more fearful of what I post of social media and what I stand for as a person. My beliefs are not of the popular crowd and I lack the confidence to not care what other people think. I fear that if I am to post something or share a message, others will openly and publicly disagree as has happened before. However, I am learning to disregard the opinions of others and do things for my own pleasure. Another stumbling block is my lack of confidence in my flaws and insecurities. I for one have many small anxieties about different things that I cannot really explain. So, when I cannot do certain things or don't want to do certain things people tend to become annoyed or subtly make me feel embarrassed or "boring". Which I understand because I don't want to have these stumbling blocks. But at the end of the day, I remind myself that my happiness and comfort is what matters and that God is always there to make me feel whole.

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  73. I cant help but notice that parents and adults are constantly reprimanding and preaching on children that they "are too young to feel stressed", "too young to be tired", or the notorious for my household "youve been home all dya doing nothing, you couldn't find time to do the 5 mile high pile of dishes?". I have noticed that adults do expirience more stress, pain, and work than kids and teenagers do. But I have also noticed ghow many smart kids have stopped trying hard in school due to the reprimanding of parents and the not being able to go out with friends habits. I have struggled with watching 4 younger siblings, clean the house, go to class, and even to turn in an assingment all before 5 oclock in the afternoon due to these reasons. I dont feel as id there is much purpose anymore in those activities that have been deemed important my whole life. "Why should I even try? It isnt goign to be good enough or done in time". Should I deny my feelings of stress ust because I am not working a paying job? Is my sleep deprevation non-exsistent because I didnt go to bed early enoguh due to the late night hours of homework? Maybe I did procrastinate that assignment, but then again, why should I worry? What much is it going to do? Just for a couple hours to go by for me to tell myself that if I dont get atleast something done I'm going to dissapoint someone. All of these internal mental thoguhts that are pushed aside ust because I am a teenager, are sureal, they hurt, they are causing problems. I have come to the conclusion, that yes though what a child feels is in no comparison to what an adult feels, they are still feelings, they are still a big deal to us, they are still important. I hope one day it is recognized that pain comes in many different shapes and sizes, and that all pain deserves to be recognized. My goal is simply to move forward and do the best I can for my own health.

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  74. One of my stumbling blocks that I am currently dealing with is managing my time effectively. Although I am decent at managing my time, I sometimes crumble under the stress that follows when I realize I have a million things to do. This definitely applies to this blog as it totally slipped my mind. However,one thing I am trying to better prepare myself for these stressful moments, is writing my tasks down on a paper, so that I can check the list off when I finish the tasks. This is something completely new to me but it is something I am willing to try to implement. Another stumbling block is a lack of confidence when it comes to activities. Now that I am preparing for college, it has become more apparent that I have a lack of confidence when it comes to my abilities. Sometimes I doubt my capabilities which makes me abandon something. One thing I am changing is to listen to others when they feel otherwise when it comes to my abilities. Sometimes my parents tell me I can do it and sometimes I just have to trust them, as they sometimes known better than me.

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  75. One of my biggest struggles is my tendency to overthink. Often times when things go wrong or stressful/ new situation arises my thoughts start to spiral to the point where I give myself immense stress and anxiety. This ultimately is my biggest struggle as over-thinking affects my relationships, feelings, days, and even as far as my health from causing myself too much stress. I try my best to learn and teach myself different coping mechanisms to make it easier for me to manage. In order to over come this problem I thankfully have surrounded myself with a close few who always help me calm down and get some perspective on the situations I face. They are definitely one of my biggest motivators and never fail to 'hype me up' if you will. I also try my best to tell myself that whatever I'm feeling is completely temporary and just the stress of the moment. This overall really helps me overcome the tendency to over-think and overcome the anxiety that comes along with it.

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  76. One of my greatest struggles is constantly second guessing myself. I tend to, even if I know exactly what i am talking about, doubt if I am correct about something to the point of indecisiveness. To get past this I do two things, one is I get some sort of physical evidence(an email or something similar), or I will just push through with what I know and when I do that and just push the thought out of my mind it tends to help.

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  77. In my case, I believe one of my biggest struggles this year has been motivational issues. Despite it being my senior year, I feel like I have started to tire out just before I hit the finish line, being graduation. Despite this lack of motivation, I have been surpassing it by looking to the future, and trying to fully scope out what I want to do in the future and focusing on the goals I need to complete in the present to obtain that future.

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  78. From Eben Townes:
    My self conscious always dictates my decisions. It has caused me to become a very antisocial person, mainly due to the fact that I always worry that there is some fatal flaw that I possess, which will cause others to look down upon me. This worry originated from my first years at Odyssey, where I was constantly worried about not finding friends. Due to this thinking, I came off too strong and many did not want to be my friend. However, I grew accustomed to the environment at Odyssey, I began to worry less about how others perceive me and my search for friends concluded when I met another scholar who faced similar struggles as I did.

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  79. I am a horrendous overthinker. I constantly over evaluate and create different scenarios good and bad for each choice in my life. This leads to stress and honestly sometimes I just give up on situations before I even try because the stress can get to be too much. Especially when it comes to issues regarding my life after senior year. The thought of being an adult and out in the world on my own there are so many possibilities. I've often been told that I stress about things I can't control but in my mind I can I just don't know how.

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  80. I am very afraid of public speaking. I have social anxiety that was diagnosed earlier this year. My brain thinks in a way that doesn’t go as fast as my words so I can’t undo what I say in that is always been hindering my ability to speak and perform out loud. I can do this in theater because everything is scripted but life isn’t scripted so I don’t know what to do then. I struggle with this every day and Zoom has made this a lot worse especially when I feel pressured to talk it makes me embarrassed and it’s spikes my anxiety. I’m hoping in the future it will get better but right now it’s not good.

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  81. My stumbling block is that I constantly have the issue thinking that I am not good enough. I want to enter a highly competitive career path, and that mindset could be my biggest enemy. I doubt my athletic abilities, intelligence, and social skills. One way that I feel that I connect best with Virginia Hall is that we both share a very high work-ethic. Coming from an average home with minimal networking, I do feel like a person of "no hope, no prospects, and/or no importance." However, just like Virginia Hall, I plan to metaphorically climb over mountains one-legged to achieve the career and professional goals I desire to benefit the lives' of others. Even when everything is against me, knowing and consistently fighting for my goal like Virginia Hall inspires confidence in me that one day I will be able to achieve my dreams.

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  82. I would say that I can not only choose one fear because my fears play hand in hand with each other. Fear and motivation. Sometimes I am just so filled with fear that it leads me to lack motivation completely. I fear failing in school or getting bad grades, yet I spend so much time fearing it that I begin to get off track and then by the time I get back on track, I have zero motivation. Fear is something that lives in my head, although not in as much of a negative way as it is often perceived. I do not fear today, I fear the future, and not even only the future, simply what the future holds for me and this world. I absolutely love working but now I work so much that I recognize I still need time to be a teenager. Thinking about how I've missed out on a lot of typical experiences makes me lack motivation to prioritize work and school over having an enjoyable high school experience. there's also some days that I sit down and just observe the managebac calendar and look at all the work I have due and I just see that it's a huge load of work, all which looks very difficult, then I begin to fear, "I don't have enough time to finish it on time, I work every day this week. This looks so difficult, I'm going to spend so much time working on it and not even get a good grade" then to prevent stress, I try to not focus on it, but when I lose focus, I then lose the motivation to complete the assignments. My fear and lack of motivation is holding me back from properly managing a balanced life of happiness, while also maintaining a strong work ethic.

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  83. I stumbling block that I guess I can say I have is people telling me that I can't fulfil the plans I have for my future. Whether it be blatantly saying I can't or subtle by trying to veer me towards other plans that one agrees with more, I have come across people who try to discourage me from following the path I want to take. However, I'm stubborn, so I will move past these stumbling blocks. In fact, these blocks motivate me to work harder to fulfil the plans I've set form myself, whether it be to prove the others wrong out of spite, or to prove to myself that I can do it.

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  84. Something that tends to block me is the idea of having the develop new habits to fix something that someone else thinks is wrong with me, and forcing me to choose a very limited idea that will tend to push me against the direction that i want to go in life. To move past this i try to find my own way while completely ignoring what the other person wants out of me and going about how i want and not how they want

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  85. Something that blocks me is when i have to do stuff with or relating to identity since I don't have a clear grasp of my identity as a person, and that really affects a lot of what I do. A concept like Identity is something that is hard to understand all at once, and is something I feel like it cannot be "seen" all at once. I hope to be able to push myself to be able to experience more things and be able to understand my identity a lit more each time.

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  86. Something that tends to block me is thinking that I cant do something correct or at all. Personally, there is a lot of competition in my life with my career and just my normal everyday life. Sometimes i will try to ignore this and realize what I am capable of as long as I want to succeed, I will be able to.

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  87. The stumbling block that I often find myself struggling with(especially now more than ever) is procrastination. I have always struggled with procrastination to a degree whether it were something like doing an assignment or something like doing a household chore at the last minute, however over the past year I have struggled with procrastination more than ever. Based off of my personal beliefs I believe that the number one contributor to this massive 'stumble' I've taken has to be the fact that school is online now and that because of this virus everything I do has to be very self driven and heavily increases the burden of my own personal responsibilities upon myself(which can be overwhelming and make the alternative of just don't do the work seem like a viable option even though it really isn't). In order to leap over this stumbling block I have begone doing things to further drive my motivation in being productive, For example for the past several weeks I have begun working out regularly again and making sure to spend at least some time actively physically doing something every day as well as making sure to eat better so that I can have more energy and be more focused throughout my day. Also, (as I'm sure you can tell from when I turned this in) I have decided that I don't want to be behind on my school work anymore so for the past several days I made an enormous effort and finished all of the missing school work I had let pile up for about the past 2 and a half weeks. One thing that I can say that I will definitely take away from this experience is that, procrastinating is quite literally the inverse of being ahead, so from now on I'm just going to try to remain as far ahead of my workload as possible so that it never piles up like it did again.

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  88. Jessica Herrera (Period 1)
    My fears/road blocks are overwhelming, some self inflicted, some environmental, altogether they feel like they could swallow me whole, and they have for quite some time. I'm am on my way out of a hole now, very slowly progressing but feeling burnt out in the process. In school and in home life I feel accomplished enough to say that I am well on my way to piecing myself together,I somehow have been able to take a step forward only to take 3 steps back repeatedly but at least in the recent few months I've been able to steadily trend forwards more than back. I've learned that celebrating the small victories, even though I may celebrate them alone, is enough to keep my feet firmly planted on my path to redemption.

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