THE ASPARAGUS PATCH DIALOGUES: A Life of Limitless Learning

These past few weeks, we have been talking about the power of our language.  As juniors, we are looking at the language of persuasion, and the power of language to educate and influence others ideologically and politically.  As seniors, we are looking at influential and instrumental power and propaganda, and how the language we use and meaning we construct is largely shaped by the structure and content of the message AND the culture and beliefs of the recipient.  In both cases, it is very important to take a leisurely stroll back through the "asparagus patch..."

Juniors, you have just "met" my friend Larry Frost through his writing, and learned of his deep desire to look beyond the messages and into the hearts of the messengers.  Seniors, you first read this piece last year and have heard me make reference to it since then from time to time.  But in both of our studies, the message of Mr. Frost's reflective narrative, "Conversations in the Asparagus Patch," is very appropriate and worthy of our ongoing consideration.

We are currently living in an environment of deep division and polarization.  Even though we have been given the gift of free speech in our country, a truly precious gift bought at a very high price, we are often afraid to use it, or we find ourselves wishing we could stop others from exercising it.  Living in a Democracy requires a GREAT deal of emotional maturity, and a commitment to staying active and informed in the events that shape our lives and history.  Because our views are so closely tied to our emotions, it is very hard to discuss, listen to, understand and accept opposing or opposite points of view without feeling "attacked."  Unfortunately, we cannot look to our leaders as shining models and examples.  They often seem more concerned with winning votes and gaining power than creating solutions, cultivating productive discussions and achieving unity.  So what do we do? 

There is a well known piece of advice  that goes:  "If you want to keep your friends, don't talk religion, politics or finances."  I believe that in many contexts, that is very good advice to be heeded.  But problems don't get solved if nobody talks about them.  In fact, often they grow.  So...maybe the problem isn't WHAT we talk about, maybe it's in HOW we talk about it.

Grace Bronder recently shared a Ted Talk with me that really connected to another Ted Talk we watched in year one last week called "Dare to Disagree."  You probably remember in that talk, the speaker proposed that it is in learning how to face and welcome conflict in problem solving and discussion that we discover new ways to inspire creativity.  It even suggested that asking for and offering constructive criticism or opposing points of view in a spirit of respect is, in fact, a form of love!

I have provided a link here for you to watch the Ted Talk Grace sent to me:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qty0NjF3pdQ&feature=youtube. 

It is a very specific personal story of a unique friendship that really could and should become a model for all Americans. Watch the talk and then respond in your blog by addressing the following points and questions:


1.  What is your reflection on the message of the friends?
2.  Do you have a friendship like that?  What is your strategy to keep it?
3.  How will you challenge yourself to practice open, respectful dialogue that welcomes conflict and/or challenges to your own viewpoints?

 I am here to tell you, learning to listen to other points of view on the touchy subjects is a lifelong

lesson, but it is one we MUST agree to pursue with great determination and passion.  I am still learning how to do this, that's for sure--and probably will continue learning and trying to master it up to my last breath!  Language is powerful, that is for sure, and it is often wielded as a lethal weapon.   But as Americans, we owe it to those who came before us--to those who fought and died for these precious and rare freedoms we enjoy--to master the art of listening, questioning, and considering other ideas and points of view.  It means we learn to use our language to break down barriers and heal the wounds of misconception.   It doesn't mean we are wishy-washy or changeable.  It doesn't mean we lack conviction.  It means we care about and value each human being's right to learn, to seek and pursue truth, and to develop a sense of purpose.  We put people before politics and policies.

We are SO unique!  Let's celebrate and embrace that! We are a country founded on a principle of welcoming and even encouraging diverse ideas, not stifling them.  Whatever our problems or issues may be, we certainly cannot untangle them by ignoring or silencing them.
We must be brave; we must listen to each other, with open minds and open hearts...

We must be willing to take a stroll through the asparagus patch.

KNOW THYSELF....2017

Communication break-down can occur at any time and in many different settings.  There's Group Project Anxiety: everyone has great ideas at discussion meetings, but you feel like the only one with a sense of urgency to get any actual work done.  There's Discussion Frustration:  whenever you engage in a discussion with your group, you feel as if your thoughts and ideas are not valued or brushed aside with no regard to your feelings.  And finally, there is just sheer information overload: why is it that after a full day of school, you feel completely zapped of energy, consumed by an overwhelming need to be where people are not?

We all realize that we are social creatures.  We seek out and thrive within interpersonal relationships. We long to be heard and appreciated, to create and explore.  This is probably not new information.  Rewarding as they may be, however, relationships of every type are complex and not without their

difficulties.  People are different.  Where we come from, our experiences, our beliefs, and our DNA all go into who we are, how we see and interpret the world, and how we communicate.

Many corporations have invested large sums of money on consultants with one goal in mind:  to improve inter-office communication and efficiency.  Where do you begin?  The communicators, themselves!  Knowing who you are helps you to better understand how and why you communicate the way that you do.  Knowing who your co-workers are can help you better understand how to communicate with them more effectively and efficiently.

So, as Aristotle taught centuries ago, we will begin by seeking the wisdom that comes from knowing ourselves.  Here is a link to a personality inventory:  http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test  Once you complete the test, you can have your results emailed to yourself and you can read all about your personality type: how you relate to others, how others see you, how you work, etc.

The test takes about 20 minutes, but it provides a wealth of information as it analyzes four distinct areas of personality and then adds a fifth area that analyzes overall identity.  It is created from a combination of the infamous Myers/Briggs and Carl Jung's Theory of Psychological Types.  The four areas are explained as follows:

1.  Introversion vs Extroversion: (I vs. E) This is more than just "shy" vs. "outgoing."  In fact, according to Jung, it is really not about that at all.  It has to do more with where you get your energy.  Do you find yourself getting energized when you are around others, or do you find that you need to be away from people to re-energize?
2.  Intuitive vs. Sensing: (N vs. S) Intuitives are creative, imaginative and curious individuals who are open-minded.  They tend to go with novelty over stability and see/feel possibilities.  They tend to have strong discernment in new situations.  Sensing or Observant individuals are practical, pragmatic and down to earth.  They tend to have strong habits and rather than going with their gut, they are more focused on what has happened or what is happening.

3.  Feeling vs. Thinking: (F vs. T) Feeling individuals are sensitive and emotionally expressive.  They are more empathetic and tend to be less competitive than T's.  They tend to focus on social harmony and cooperation.   Thinkers focus on objectivity and rationality, prioritizing logic over emotion.  They tend to hide their feelings and value efficiency over cooperation.

4.  Judging vs. Perceiving or Prospecting: (J vs. P)  Judging personalities are decisive, thorough and highly organized.  They value clarity, predictability and closure preferring structure and planning to spontaneity.  Perceiving individuals are good at improvising and spotting opportunities.  They are flexible, relaxed, non-conformists who prefer to keep their options open.

Identity Variables of Assertive vs. Turbulent: (A vs. T)  Assertive types are confident, self-assured and pretty resistant to stress.  They do not push themselves too hard.  The turbulent types are self-conscious and sensitive to stress.  They are perfectionistic types who experience a wide array of emotions.

So, test away, and then....
1.  IDENTIFY YOUR FOUR LETTER PERSONALITY, then put a dash, and A OR T.
2.  COMMENT ON ANY SURPRISES OR EXPECTATIONS.
3.  NOW, as a BONUS, click this link, and find out if you are more left or right brained, and let me know your results!  https://www.arealme.com/left-right-brain/en/

 For example:  I am an INFJ - T.   This was absolutely no surprise to me, but a big surprise to those who know me, as I come across as an extrovert (SO not true!)   I think this is because I am a people pleaser, a trait I am working hard on to mellow.  I am also a J, but BARELY.  I need to feel organized in my environment, but DO NOT open any drawers!  They show my true, right-brained, messy creativity!  Now, it's your turn!

TRUE GRIT

A very long time ago, in a state not so far away (California), I was beginning my teaching career at a very innovative school in Turtle Rock, a community in the city of Irvine.  When I assumed my brand new position, we had a training in a relatively new program that had been launched by parents and educators that was born out of the "Self-Esteem" movement that had first blossomed in the late 1980s. 



As I learned about the program, and how it

would be integrated into our teaching and classroom management and philosophy, which proposed lavish praising of kids and handing out trophies just for "trying hard," I felt myself inwardly cringe.  At first, I wasn't sure why.  I mean, isn't cultivating a "positive" self-esteem a good thing?  You would think so, but that still, small voice inside of me--you know the one-- that sort of sixth sense or inspired discernment that just "knows" things to be true or not, whether or not you have concrete proof?  That's the one.  That voice whispered to me: "bad idea."  While I couldn't articulate exactly why at the time, I just knew this was not the right approach to cultivate the dedication and enthusiastic engagement of young learners.

As time passed, I learned that low and behold, that voice was right.  It turned out that subsequent studies showed that kids did NOT try harder as a result of the program.  In fact, it was the opposite: coddled kids became softer, slower, and less likely to persevere.  Why?  Because there was one very important characteristic that past generations knew about and encouraged that was NOT fostered and learned in the process:  GRIT.

Carolyn Adams Miller, an author and speaker on the topic from Bethesda, Maryland, said, "This is not a gritty generation.  They become overwhelmed and stressed easily because they have been protected from failure."(1)  Like Miller, Psychologists now assert that grit, not a positive self-concept, is the best predictor of future success and overall happiness.

So...what, exactly, is grit?  According to the dictionary, it is, in this sense, "courage and resolve; strength of character." (2)  It is a passion and perseverance in the pursuit of long term goals.  It is what determines the survival of the West Point cadet or who makes the cut for the Olympic team; in other words, it sifts out those who can ultimately make it to the finish line of hard goals in life from those who cannot.  Miller says that talent can only get you so far.  It is really your grit that determines whether or not you make it.

In fact, research has shown that grit is completely unrelated to talent. (3) At times, it is even

inversely related!  Those who are not blessed with talent discover they must work twice as hard, and with grit, they develop the skills of discipline and perseverance.   Grit is contagious.  It is inspiring.  It CAN be taught and fostered.  In a Washington Post article, Miller proposed some steps to cultivate Grit, and they largely relate to our thinking and how we view and approach challenges:

1.  When you face a tough problem, don't tell yourself "this is too hard."  Instead, ask, "Why not me?"

2.  When things get hard and you want to quit, mentally change the channel.   Focus on a spiritual phrase, mantra, or image that encourages you on.

3.  Build a team around you.  Encourage each other.  Be sounding boards.  Connect positively as you pursue your long term goals through the achievement of smaller goals.

4.  Instead of offering empty praise and pity in failure, parents should coax their kids through failure.  Point out the lessons and praise the efforts to keep on going through pain and failure.

5.   While it is tough for parents to let their kids experience failure, it is actually the most important KEY in developing Grit!

Back in the 1980s, many communities opted to "soften" neighborhood parks so that kids could fall into a pillow of wood chips.  This seemed, in many ways, very prudent, but as it turns out, it has made kids "softer" as a result.  Creeping grade inflation, allowing kids to take and retake tests that they "bombed," has also shown to erode the development of grit.  Alternately, participation in true, competitive sports and auditioning for roles (and experiencing the disappointment of not always getting the role you want) in theater arts has shown to cultivate grit.

This all really seems to put a spotlight this week on the IB profile attribute of risk-taking.  We have learned through hard experience here that playing it safe, and protecting ourselves from failure doesn't seem to net anything but more anxiety and cowardice.  But taking risks, watching and learning from those who never seem to quit, that will actually encourage curiosity and feeling truly alive.

Nancy Wake, an Australian woman who went to fight with the French Resistance against the Nazis during World War Two, once stated that while she was incredibly grateful the war ended as it did and freedom was restored, she never felt more alive and like she was living in her true purpose than during those long, fearful months she spent with troops of thousands of men hiding out in the forests.  At a time of great danger, Nancy chose not to listen to the cautionary pleas and warnings of those around her.  She learned to fight like the men she ended up ultimately leading.  It turns out that her being a woman was not a "weakness" after all; in fact, it made her less likely to be seen as a threat by the enemy!  Several of her fellow fighters were quoted as saying that having one woman named Nancy Wake was like having "five additional men" in their ranks!

Kids with Grit are finishers.  They are the tortoises in the race that keep on

moving towards their own established finish lines.  You may trip and fall in life.  You may experience heartbreaking defeat and failure.  But the kids who ultimately succeed are the ones who take risks and feel alive.  They are the ones who get back up after a blowing disappointment with a sparkle in their eye, and that sparkle? That's GRIT!

Here is a link to a Ted Talk by Angela Lee Duckworth.  Listen carefully to all she has to say: Link:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H14bBuluwB8

Then, click here to take the Grit test, and see how you score:  https://angeladuckworth.com/grit-scale/

Finally, comment below on how you scored, what you have learned, and how you are going to apply it to your life.

Don't be afraid to get GRITTY!!

(Footnotes:  1.  Holland, Judy.  Washington Post, "The Key Ingredient to Your Kids' Success."  March 9, 2015.  2. Merriam Webster Dictionary  3.  Holland, Judy.  Washington Post, "The Key Ingredient to Your Kids' Success."  March 9, 2015.)