Adultery, while a breach of the marriage contract, is not a legal matter anymore. It is not against the law to be punishable by prison time and social ostracization. But we are very naive if we believe that private decisions and actions/behaviors go unpunished in today's society. We are even more naive if we believe that sins like promiscuity or adultery do not face heavy social penalties despite the fact that they are not within arm's reach of the law.
If Hester Prynne were alive and real today, she may not have spent three months in a physical jail cell, but in many ways, I am sure it would have felt like that. There are no more town center platforms complete with hanging scaffolds and stocks, but social media has raised public humiliation to an all time new high and extended the critical stares and pointing fingers out and beyond the town walls.
So, while we may not be able to imagine living in a society that can legally have a person shunned and socially banned for scandalous decisions, the effect is ultimately the same: the one charged with the sin and convicted on Facebook, Twitter or Snapchat is still left with a very clear message that he or she is social pariah.
In the following TED Talk, Monica Lewinsky, a woman all too familiar with living in the spotlight of technologically advanced shaming, shares a little bit of her personal story of what it is like to be branded with the scarlet A, and explains why she has chosen this time in her life to stand up and do something about it. The biggest message? The price of shame since Hester's time has escalated, and sometimes it is ultimately too high for the victim to pay. Watch the video and then comment on two things: what spoke to you the loudest and what YOU will personally do to change our shame culture today.
We live in interesting times. We feel more sophisticated, yet our own petty and cruel natures still surface in even more deadly ways. We feel more accepting of different beliefs and lifestyles, yet have the ability to smear a man's or woman's reputation irreparably with the click of the mouse. We shake our heads at racism, sexism, and discrimination and then turn to our friends and share malicious gossip about someone else, all the time telling ourselves, "I may make mistakes, but I would NEVER do what she did!" So, that begs the question then: what do we do?
Make sure your arsenals are full.
https://www.ted.com/talks/monica_lewinsky_the_price_of_shame?language=en
What spoke to me the most was how quick we all are to judge people in situations we have never experienced. For example, I have never been in an affair with the president, but I have definitely made mistakes that I would prefer not being released to the public. People forget when they're posting a negative comment that they are directly speaking to another human being with feelings and emotions. It's cheesy but honestly, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Nobody needs to know if you think someone is ugly or if you don't like that song. You literally have the option to not comment, so why do it?
ReplyDeleteWhat I will personally do to change shame culture is stop participating in gossip. Although I try my best to not talk down on other people, sometimes I slip up when I'm annoyed or angry. I will try my hardest to stop starting conversations about people and when conversations about other people start, I want to start being strong enough to interrupt and change the subject or walk away entirely.
Love this. Me, too. This is a GREAT goal. I was actually inspired once by my oldest--I watched him walk away from a group of his friends when they started to talk about another kid in the negative. It was awkward, so it made a point. I asked him about it, and he said, "It makes me feel awkward when others do that, and I wonder what they say when I'm not around, so I don't care if it makes them feel awkward when I walk away. They should." I can be sucked into that talk, too--especially if I am hurt or upset, but later, you just end up regretting it.
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ReplyDeleteWow, with this week’s blog, Caleb Cajthaml totally hit the nail on the head, making the comment that we’ve cultivated this “culture of cancelation,” I believe is how he put it. How we’re quick to judge. How we make assumptions. As guilty as I am to admit, I’ve made this mistake too many times. I’ve lost opportunities to build friendships because of this; that, and I’m naturally shy. Or I’ve lost opportunities to experience new things. What makes this worse about judging, is that, as it seemed to me the crowd in the novel behaved, it was instinctual. I do it without thinking. That’s the root, I believe, of fixing judgement. Thinking through all vantage points or at least attempting to understand.
ReplyDeleteMonica Lewinsky said this of her experience, in her explanation of cyberbullying: “I get it: it's easy to forget that that woman was dimensional, had a soul, and was once unbroken.”
With her instance, I will admit, I would have jumped to conclusions and judgements, with just headlines (I digress: just think, we are so quick to judge that YouTubers manage to entice us with sexual or dangerous-sounding headlines. Here’s one I thought was funny. The picture and the headline work in conjunction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmG7j2Q6O2M). It, also, as what happened to hester, was portrayed from one side. Hester’s tale was revealed by the symbol ‘A,’ we know stands for Adultery, along with the telling of her sin. Though, for all we know, Hester might have actually found love and done the sin, possibly to get out of marriage or to make Mr. Prynne or Roger Fibbingworth (he’s a loser tbh; I’m not a fan) not like her (I, by no means, am for cheating, except in one scenario, but even then, it’s by case, so back to my explanation). Now, for Monica Lewinsky, I’m not super familiar with what news was presented or what exactly went down, however, I don’t want to believe she did it to be malicious, as she says in her Ted Talk that, “At the age of 22, I fell in love with my boss, and at the age of 24, I learned the devastating consequences.” So, having genuine feelings, although that doesn’t give her a pass for what she did, makes me more sympathetic for her.
She even says, “Now, I admit I made mistakes…” which I totally respect, having faced all that backlash.
I know this is all scattered, but I want to end expressing that I agree with Mrs. Caraway’s comment: we need to use the sincerity, kindness, empathy, and compassion which are ‘round our tool belt to combat the judgement. And I agree with Monica in coming to understand that there is more than just a picture or a tweet behind the screen; there’s a living, breathing, emotional human being that you are either “stab with [your] words” or help them out with words (This isn’t to say that we should eliminate constructiveness, that’s different).
We can ask if our words are necessary in a situation. Are they relevant to what is going on? We must understand the power with which words hold. They are more than sounds, a series of syllables. They have meaning. What we do with them says much about us. Be a picker-upper. Be constructive. Be Hester. Be strong. Be ABLE. Be ANGELIC. Be AMAZING.
And as stupidly cliché, I leave you with this: “Sit down, be humble.”
It's not easy sometimes --to put judgement aside, but I think what you pulled from the talk is key: behind everything is a living, breathing, human being with feelings. Trying to imagine what it is like in their shoes helps.
DeleteOne of my favorite sayings is "Be forgiving and understanding. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about." I try REALLY hard to remember this when someone is cranky, rude, or easily upset. I wonder, "What happened to them?" Maybe they are fighting a battle. Monica Lewinsky made a mistake. But we all make them. She was only 22. I am amazed of how much she has grown from her past --it ultimately made her an empathetic human being. We need more of those! :)
Monica's story actually spoke to me the most. I've gone through a public humiliation that has changed my life forever, just from what I said in private quarters with a close friend. This information got leaked and it became a school wide humiliation I had never thought of and was definitely not prepared for. I was in 5th grade, and my closest friend, just turned their back on me.
ReplyDeleteThat was something that never spread online, however now this culture has spread into everything we say. Now something we say can cause a complete shaming of a person, such as the recent situation. Like as she said in the video, freedom of expression. The true thing that spoke to me was the difference between speaking up with intention, and speaking up for attention. People sometimes don't know the effects their words have on someone else.
The one thing I would try to change is the amount of bashing people around me do now a days. Everything is blown out of proportion, like what I said when I was younger, to the point it could completely ruin someones reputation. It's hard to feel alone, and empathy is the one thing shame can't survive. If we spread it, this culture of shame might die out.
After watching the TedTalk on Monica Lewinsky, I realized how much selfish disrespect is placed on individuals, even if society does not quite understand what she went through and how mentally exhausting it was to fall in love with a man who was married. Lewinsky discusses her personal view on the situation, along with the cyber and personal harassment she had experienced since the word got out of her relations. She discusses how personal conversations she had with the president were leaked, which you don't realize when you hear about it or see it on the news. That aspect really opened my eyes to see that, surprisingly enough, she is a real person who feels guilt, shame and genuine embarrassment; she made it clear, that was EXACTLY how she felt. She felt judged by the whole world, and people continued to be relentless and not forgive her for something that was not entirely her fault.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that Hester Prynne easily experienced the same backlash as Monica Lewinsky, even though it was on a smaller scale. Hester suffered inescapable trauma just like Monica, which you can assume that due to this, these concepts are timeless. Betrayal, guilt, shame. Those will forever be the inescapable ideas that leave fear into our society as a whole, regardless of the date.
What would I do to change the way we perceive harassment and bullying?
ReplyDeleteMy answer is partially rooted in the way I treat myself and others. I don't stand for bullying, but, that doesn't mean I haven't bullied in the past. I can recall several people that still go to this school that I have bullied when I was younger. Back then I was immature and ignorant. When I was younger I wouldn't accept that there were other viewpoints and that I could respect others while keeping my opinion. There's nothing I can do to take back what I said, did, or wanted to do to others in the past. I apologize to people like Sedona, who I can now call my friend, but I cannot change the shame and belittling I did to her in years past.
I believe that in order to change you need to be educated or enlightened. The video reiterated the fact that others have to learn about how their words impact others even if their audience is on the other side of a screen. People, myself included, won't understand the impact of their words and actions online until they can see or learn from some source. When I first joined YouTube, I never understood the implications of shaming someone in a video. In fact, I can admit that one of my first videos gained notoriety amongst my friends because it exploited my closest friend. Tom was humiliated by my friends because a girl liked him and I filmed us confronting her and talking about it. I can't change it, but, now I can see how I shouldn't have done it and how the internet played a major role in destroying him to help me. This is a prime example of what Monica says in her video: my profit was built on the back of Tom's suffering. It doesn't mean anything apologizing this far past the event, but, at least now I can change what I post online.
Reader, I hope you can take something from my story.
I admire your ability to admit to past mistakes and move on from and learn from them. We have ALL been unkind to others in the past. It's what we do moving forward that truly matters.
DeleteIt may seem selfish of me to say this, precisely being the reason behind me rarely speaking on it, but I have been hurt from these types of thing. Not to say that I have not hurt others, but I, now with more age and wisdom, seldom will try to initiate any kinds of conflict. While this may seem like a positive personality trait, it also has prevented me from standing up for myself in situations where I am wronged, excluded, hurt, or discarded. Because of this type of treatment, as well as my lack of energy regarding conflict, many rumors have spread about me, painting me in a terrible light. This has prevented me from making, and keeping too many people that I consider to be true friends. I have also forced myself to maintain a constantly cheerful outward persona to combat this, and keep those around me happy. Nobody is perfect, the me prior to these events was just as bad as those who do these things now, because of my ignorance to the other side. But as someone who has walked both sides of the road, I just wish people would learn how to forgive. I do not hold any types of grudges anymore, I refuse to stay mad, and I always try to help someone when they come to me with a problem. Those who deny these things rarely have actually come to me to find out if they are true or not, sadly leading to a very large number of people disliking me. In conclusion, all of these stories impacted me, be it in the post, or in the comments, and the only thing that I really wish to speak to in relationship to this topic is for people to at least make an attempt to learn about others, go out of their way to stop rumors, and get to know people before discounting them. Everyone has their worth, and nothing can change that.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteAfter I watched Monica Lewinsky’s TED talk, I felt her sadness as she spoke about a culture of humiliation we’ve created. I realized how this culture impacts so many individuals especially, young people who are constantly a part of social media. But as Monica spoke about this culture of humiliation, I really couldn’t wrap my head around why we create this culture and find joy in other people’s shame, humiliation, and even pain. Personally, sometimes I think to myself why we are we so cruel? Why do we feel the need to click on someone’s story? Why do we continue to add to this damaging and tragic culture? Do we not see the consequences of hurting someone whether it's in or out of media? These were all questions that were circling in my mind while listening to Monica.
As Monica talked about her own story and Tyler’s tragic end, I got so sad when I realized that people everywhere can be humiliated to death, my heart goes out to Tyler and his family because no one should ever feel like that. Sometimes I think people don’t realize that you're hurting a person by contributing to gossip and clicking on headlines. We use people’s humiliation and shame to make a profit or have a laugh. People click on it which only aid in making money for those gossip websites or spread gossip just for a laugh thus, continuing the culture of humiliation. Yet, we don’t realize that clicking on these or spreading gossip we only hurt the person behind it. Someone else is making money or having a laugh at the expense of someone else’s humiliation, shame, and even pain. This is the culture we’ve created, why? Why do we do this and contribute to this damaging culture? As Monica said, we put the seeds of shame and public humiliation into our cultural soil. And with every click, whisper, or a like we spread that culture and only teach younger generations that this is our culture. But it doesn’t have to be, we should be responsible for creating a culture of compassion instead of humiliation. Why not spread kindness and love instead of humiliation and rumors? The weapon we need to fight this deadly poison is compassion. Personally, that is what I want to do to try to change the culture of humiliation today, be kind, spread compassion to everyone, teach others the value of compassion no matter what.
As Monica said, we need a cultural revolution. We need to return to a long-held value of empathy and compassion. Why? because shame cannot survive in empathy but if you let it live in a culture of humiliation then all it’ll do is grow and end up hurting people both mentally and physically. We cannot let that happen, we need to stand up and teach others that change begins with evolving belief. Be an up-stander, not a bystander, we need to show, teach, and spread compassion. We have a responsibility to freedom of expression. We have a responsibility to make the world more compassionate, we need to be more compassionate and create a culture of compassion and empathy in which shame and humiliation cannot survive. We can be better, we need to be better. We can’t let this stand knowing the tragic outcomes that happen, if we are to make any change we need to change our beliefs, stop contributing to the culture of humiliation, and start showing compassion. The way I see it, compassion is the key to stop this culture of humiliation.
Yes. I totally agree. The first time I heard this story, I got teary eyed. I cannot imagine the pain of Tyler's family and the devastation. All for what?
DeleteYou bring up a good point - even clicking on or retweeting things make the problem worse. Making a statement against this behavior and standing up for the underdog can make such a huge difference. People don't take the time to stop and think about how their words and actions impact someone else.
Lewinsky’s talk rang true to our culture today on so many levels. Though it spoke in lots of extreme cases, like sharing stories of those who have been “humiliated to death, literally”, which is an extremely important issue in society, it also spoke about many things I could relate to. As someone who uses social media, I definitely see and participate in the “rush to judgement enabled by technology”: everytime I see a post, I make a judgement about who posted it, whether that be good or bad. In my experience, social media is just another opportunity for people to judge you, so people portray themselves online how they want to be seen. The problem is when they don’t have control of what is put out there or people interpret what they post in a different way. Lewinsky's “seen by many but known by few” statement really summarizes all of social media.
ReplyDeleteHer call for compassion was something which I agreed and resonated. If everyone could just stop for a moment before judging someone and try to be more compassionate, I think shame culture would practically disappear. As I say that, I need to remind myself to do the same because I am definitely not innocent in judging people. Judging people is human nature, but we seem to share our opinions even if they aren’t useful, something I am guilty of as well. Actively thinking about what I say and putting myself in other’s shoes is something I’ve been trying to do more of recently in hopes that it will foster compassion and limit my participation in shame culture.
Monica Lewinsky's talk spoke to me as it mentioned what people fail to consider before judging a person and their choices. Lewinsky speaking in regards to one of her most draining and life changing events really portrayed her want for "compassion" in this generation. After hearing her story, I began to think to myself why people do such things (severely humiliate others). Technology was made as a tool and instead people take it for granted by using it as a way to publically shame and humiliate people. This specifically bothers me the most because nobody knows what a person is going through, many times people judge a book by its cover which makes things severley worst for the person because they are being belittled by a person who is not even aware of their situation. I agree with Lewinsky as well in regards to her claim, "culture of humilitaion needs to be replaced with compassion". Instead of us judging a person and trying to belittle them and their personal situation, we should try to help in such ways that portray any acts of compassion. It is also shocking to me that a persons life can crumble and potentially end due to so much humiliation. I will never be able to put myself into Lewinsky's shoes and try to imagine what she felt. Yes, I have been judged by other people and it has affected me but Lewinsky was being humiliated by a whole country. I believe that if myself and a handful of others begin expressing compassion towards others instead of judging them, people and their personalities while being in public will drastically change. I say this because many people act and express themseleves to a certain extent, for example, if social media portrays something as "not cool" or "not up to par with an object" than people will stop doing it. I think this is ridiculous because if you like and admire something why stop doing it because a handful of people dont agree with you? I believe that if people start portraying themselevs based on how social media says one should, you will go through more emotional distress because you are not acting like yourself and it will exhaust you. Thus, I think it is amazing that Monica Lewinsky has finally expressed herself and her feelings to not only the situation, but the world and generation as well. The way she has also given the audience tips and brought Tyler's tragic passing into the light was breathtaking. After hearing everything Lewinsky had to say, I will try my best from now on to not judge people and speak on any situations that I am not fully aware about, in order to stop any forms of negativity from spreading and hope it results in compassion.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I really enjoyed and got a lot out of this Ted Talk. Something that really stood out to me was when she said, “The more we click on this kind of gossip, the more numb we get to the human lives behind it.” I really liked this because I found it to be very true. I think a lot of the time when we are looking at celebrities or well known artists, we forget the person behind the image that is presented of them. We feel as though they are untouchable, when in reality they are experiencing the headlines and the rumors shared about them on a daily basis. This can also be applied to a smaller scale involving people in similar communities. Hiding behind a screen has become an easier way for people to tear others down based on their mistakes, actions, or even personal beliefs. Sometimes it’s easier for people to attack others for their mistakes because they may feel as though they need validation that they aren’t as ‘bad’ as others. This is a very dangerous mindset. Something else that stood out to me was the phrase, “Just imagine walking a mile in someone else’s headline.” This stood out to me because it’s a twist on the phrase “walking in someone else’s shoes,” but is more realistic to the time we live in today. It’s not just about your family, school, or community finding out about your mistake, it’s about the world. The internet spreads messages instantly, leaving them to the mercy of those who read, like, comment, and post. This causes for one’s mistake to appear permanent and unforgivable, as it will be stuck in the minds of all those who read it. As Monica Lewinsky said, I think it’s very important to change our mindset to one that revolves around compassion. I, personally, hope to contribute to this change of mindset through remembering the human behind the screen and to always remember that the story I hear isn’t the only story out there. When it comes down to it, we are all the same. We are striving towards similar goals and wanting wants best for us and those around us. We are each a human being with feelings, and with those feelings comes a breaking point. As we strive to get through the hardships of life we will all make mistakes. With that being said, we shouldn’t judge others because they sin differently than us. Of course, this is much easier said than done, but I hope through the efforts of individuals to create this new mindset, we can make and experience a difference in relation to online interactions.
ReplyDeleteMonica Lewinsky's talk was very inspiring and hopefully influential on today's culture of humiliation. I felt moved by her heartfelt words on shame as a whole and specifically how people in society need to think about their judgements before putting them onto others. Lots of people have access to say more and get away with it with the upcoming popularity of social media. Just about everyone has access to say anything and that means more access to bully or put people to shame.
ReplyDeleteI agreed with Monica's opinions on the cruel treatment people have been putting others. It is unacceptable and it can easily be stopped by taking awareness to it. Monica is one of few who stand up for this cause and we need more. To help make a change I am going to take it upon myself to simply turn away from those who start spreading rumors or talking badly about others. I may not be able to keep them from talking poorly on others but I can cut it off from my end and hopefully others will do the same. Compassion is something our world is desperately in need of.
This ted talk was very intresting and a different perspective on the take of cyberbullying and public shaming. Something that stood out to me was when Monica said try walking a mile in someone elses headline. I feel this relates a lot more to younger generations because much more of what we do is online and there is more cyberbullying then bullying in person. I like that she included that because all it takes in this day and age to ruin someones reputation or image is one click. With the ability we have to access the internet we also have responsibilty that some people choose to ignore.
ReplyDeleteSomething else she said that I liked was that we need a cultural revolution. I agree with that, I think it is so easy to just ignore things because its on the internet and we can just swipe it away instead of standing up for someone. We need to spread much more kidness as a community and have this cultural revolution of compassion and kindness in order to help save lives and create a better world.
In order to help stop the shaming community I am going to try and stop listening to gossip, engaging in gossip, and tell people they should gossip either. All it takes is a few people to stop to help make a change and help others to also stop. I am going to try and be more compassionate towards others and just encourage them in positive ways.
Monica Lewinsky’s TEDTalk was very inspiring and eye opening. I had never truly realized what a big impact a simple comment could make on a person. Of course one comment is just a comment but then when thousands of comments accumulate it begins to take a toll on the person. Whenever someone decides to participate in online shaming they may say to themselves ‘Oh it’s just one comment. No big deal.’ But that’s what everyone thinks and then the comments begin to build up, and the shaming begins. I especially enjoyed that Lewinsky mentioned that we often forget that there are real people behind these screens. These technological advancements have not only made it easier to cyber-bully but tit has also made it easier to overcome it. It is easy to just hide behind a screen and comment hurtful things about someone because they can’t truly know who you are; for example the use of fake accounts, commenting under an alias, etc. Because of technology, anything that’s posted, commented, shared, or liked, will never truly go away. Even with Snapchat, as Lewinsky said, there’s ways to keep the Snaps forever even if they were intended to be kept for a limited time. Screenshots or ‘receipts’ also exist and these can be kept for as long as the screenshotter intends, without anyone ever knowing.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I have never been shamed and humiliated to the extent that Monica Lewinsky was, I have experienced small instances where I felt I was being made fun of. Even with these small occurences I would not want to know what that felt like on a larger scale. In order to change the shame culture that has grown so vastly today I will stay away from gossip/tea and stand up for any online shaming that I see. I see this type of shaming or cyberbullying under pictures or videos of people doing makeup. I usually scroll past these but in order to make a change I will comment something kind or motivational under the post or stand up for the person. I intend to be strong enough to get out of the shadows and stand up for others.
I think that Monica's story is utterly upsetting, but her speech was amazing. She is now a strong and confident women and one whom we should learn from. She said information should not be shared "without context" and I believe this is a very big deal. Her talk was empowering and a great insight to what we, as a whole, are doing to others. We forget that doing a bad thing doesn't make you a bad person because we love to look at the faults of others. When we believe, for ourselves, that 'when I do a bad thing, I am a bad person,' we are filled with shame and self guilt in our lives that cannot be removed by anything but our own forgiveness. In mind of this, most people will not forgive themselves because they may feel their actions are unjustified for grace, then they look for outlets or distractions. One distraction being the faults of others.
ReplyDeleteI have experienced cyberbullying only briefly, but it hurt. Any students who read this comment may even know what I'm talking about. It was hard to read the things that were posted on social media when they weren't true. But, it leads me to think, why would something that is not true about myself leave such an impact on my heart? I think it is due to our wanting of a positive reputation and when someone sees me in a way that is not me or not how I want to be viewed then I feel an emotion of failure. Leading to shame. And I was ashamed, ashamed to talk to certain people, ashamed to be seen by others, and overwhelmed with insecurities and what ifs.
From that time, I was very careful of who I let into my life, who I shared things with. I think it is important to know context, and to specifically share context (that is, when it is yours). My rule is if it's not my story to tell, I won't. And I think others should do the same. Though, I am not perfect, and as much as I try to follow this I catch myself talking about others and it's upsetting then too.
Kassie Hinton (I'm not sure why the comments are said as "unknown")
DeleteYES! The lack of context that social media provides (or doesn't) is something we need to always consider when making judgments.
DeleteIt's scary to believe how easy it is to publicly judge and shame someone. It only takes seconds to destroy someone's identity. We judge without evening knowing the full story. Monica Lewinsky was an innocent women who was harshly shamed for making one mistake. This one mistake would define the rest of her identity. Like her, many others have suffered from cyberbullying, that in some cases, it has lead to suicides. We are in a society were we have easy access to publicly humiliate individuals with just one text.
ReplyDeleteIt was definitely an eye opening for me because I live in a society where we’re so dependent on technology, we have to be present in the online world for the fear that we might miss out. We judge people base on an image we see online, we judge people base on the headlines of the news. There is not a time of day were we do not judge each other. We put this expectation on what we have to look or act like that we punish those who are different, who don’t fit the image of society. We’re so easily to judge someone because it's easier than to just listen to them.
During Monica Lewinsky spoke it touched me, the way she addressed her problem and what she did to change how it affected her. She seemed to turn that anger and hatred into something more positive and impact-ful on the world. It helped her shape her cultural observations and to help others suffering become less. When she was humiliated more than half the population didn't know who she was and nobody knew her side of the story. Monica has/has feelings too she wanted to follow her heart and it was her mistake but how would some one learn from it if they never tried or have had that experience/relation before. It was most eye opening for me because it just made me realize that us as a whole revolve around technology what and who ever we see on the internet whether we know them or not, we judge them by their image not because of who they are but of what we see or hear about them. It is in our human nature to judge someone, even if you don't think you do, you do everyone puts someone is a certain type of category within their brain. It made me realize that I need to watch what I say or post on the internet because you don't know who you can trust unless you truly know them. Also it made me realize that when you post something on the internet and someone has some harsh words to say to you but you do not know why, you shouldn't be taking those words to heart because who ever confronts you on the internet doesn't really have the guts to do it in person, plus more than likely they are jealous of you or just envy on what you have. You should never take their words to heart but if you worry about what people might say than I'd just suggest not posting it at all. There is a whole world in front of you, you don't need recognition from others who you don't even know to be happy in the world.
ReplyDeleteMonica Lewinsky’s powerful story of overcoming the intense public shame is remarkable. The point that spoke the loudest to me was the statistic that stated that when the Sony Pictures cyber hacking occurred, “the documents which received the most attention were private emails that had maximum public embarrassment value”. This statistic didn’t shock me, but it made me all the more weary of being open to others. It made me feel disgusted at the state of our culture; where we thrive in the shame of others while denying that we all have our own sins to be ashamed of.
ReplyDeleteHow we react to the each other's sins and flaws is a testament to the type of society and people we are. If we don’t empathize and show compassion to those who are faced with public scrutiny, then we are as weak and feeble as our apathetic hearts. I will personally change shame culture by empathizing with people before judging them. Like Monica Lewinsky said, “Imagine walking a mile in someone else’s headline”. Imagine the burden of public humiliation and the embarrassment that comes with it. Imagine your life being turned completely upside down due to a tweet or a video taken out of context. This blog has reminded me of the importance of empathy in a world so quick to judge. It is a power tool that is more courageous than judging someone from behind a LED screen.
Atticus Finch, one of my favorite characters from any literary work, said it best:
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
LOVE that. My favorite line from Mockingbird!!
DeleteWhat a story. I find it hard to listen to emotional speeches like that, knowing that it takes place from a real event, and from the perspective as the person hurting. But she captured my attention the entire time. Public shame is something indescribable to encounter. A few points that stuck out to me from her speech were how she felt seen by many, but really known by few. Another point was how people are profiting from the shame market. How horrible to know that people are gaining personal gains because of the shame and humiliation of another. Compassion needs to come out of everything. Not humiliation. There's a huge difference between speaking up with intention vs speaking up for attention. So, this all leads to the question, what can I do to change our 'shame culture' today? Well, not just me, but everyone can start showing kindness over anything towards people. This isn't about politics, this isn't about what we believe in. If anything, we should ALL believe in human kindness and human goodness. Why would we ever want to bring others down, knowing that would just cause chaos in this already chaotic world. Kindness above anything, and love before hate.
ReplyDeleteIn the words from the great musical Cabaret: "Why can't the world leben und leben lassen?
'Live und let live....'"
That Ted Talk was extremely powerful. Monica's interpretation and personal connection with vast humiliation hurts my heart and gives me an expanded understanding about how powerful a click can be. What really spoke to me was when Monica spoke about her parents in 1998. The comprehension of the fear that resonated within her parents. The idea that at any moment she could die of humiliation. That struck me the most. That put me in my place the most. The fear of humiliation sparked. It reminded me of every celebrity that's been "called out". I've never been one to judge when it comes to, really anyone. However, I've decided to completely rid away any negative thoughts. If someone does something that they are being humiliated for it. I refuse to join the crowd and will look away or help the individual.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that spoke to me the loudest was the talk of social media and how anything can be passed around by anyone or everyone. Monica Lewinsky made very strong points about how cruel people can be on the internet to where people lose their life or can barely get by another day. Her whole story was so interesting and I also love when she said she “was seen by many but known by little” and that “life is full of surprised”. If I could change shame culture, I think I would encourage people to speak up for themselves and defend themselves to the best of their ability. We must encourage each other and be there for the ones who need it most because everyone’s battles are different and we have to show each other we care.
ReplyDeleteThis Ted Talk was very interesting and extremely powerful. The thing that spoke to me the loudest was how Monica's one mistake that she made so young was now all over the world. It is crazy to me how much something can be spread throughout the internet. I feel so bad for her and how her private feelings for someone became public news. I feel bad for her that she was bullied and harassed by so many other people for feelings that she cannot control. I am completely embarrassed that our world has come to harassing and hurting other people just so we can get a news story or something to talk about with friends. Private information should not be exposed to the world and it's horrible that her entire life had been made public. If I could change the shame culture today I would encourage other people to stand up for themselves and if they can't, I will stand up for the people who are scared, and the people who feel as if their voice does not matter. Everyone's voice matters and it's important for people to know when to resist the bullying and harassment placed on them by this judgmental world.
ReplyDeleteI found Monica Lewinsky's TED talk fascinating for more than a few reasons, one of which simply being how powerful social media can be, whether is shine a person in a good light or a bad one. Social media has a huge impact and influence over the majority of the population, especially in the US. When I was younger, I never experienced this malice because my parents didn't let me have social media for this exact reason. When sitting behind a screen, people are far more willing to say things thy wouldn't in person. An online persona may be completely different than how a person acts face to face, simply because they don't have to take responsibility for their actions, especially when the account is anonymous. I believe the human race as a whole is in constant search for validation and approval, some more than others, but the majority long to be accepted. Before social media it seemed much easier to start a new life if you made a mistake, especially since you could move somewhere where people didn't know you. Now, especially with public figures, one mistake can be amplified across the world, and for the same reasons mentioned, people don't always know how to form their own opinions, only making the matter worse. It's easy to say 'just don't let the opinions affect you', but the emotional toll such negativity takes on a person can be unbearable. We shouldn't constantly put people down for their mistakes, and I wish as a whole we could see past those actions and make light of the good a person has done instead.
ReplyDeleteThe part that spoke to me the loudest was when she was relating her situation of how her mother reacted to the death of Tyler Clementi and how her parents were afraid that she would be humiliated to death. This brought back the reality of just how damaging and severe the consequences of our actions online can be. I also found it very powerful when she mentioned the market that exists around shame and how people have been able to turn to profit by exploiting the shame of others. It’s despicable, and an unfortunate outcome of the internet culture that has been created around shame.
ReplyDeleteI like to think I’m good at contributing to the shame culture that exists online, but watching the Ted Talk made me realize that I do nothing to fight against it. Monica mentioned Bystander Apathy, which is a very harmful thing when it comes to situations such as these. Everyone has a responsibility to be part of positive change, as not doing anything simply allows the problem to continue.
The part that stuck with me most was Tyler's suicide. That sort of outcome is simply devastating. When I hear something like that, all I can think is, "That was preventable. That was the result of a choice by another human being, not random circumstance. That was the loss of human life, and it was totally unnecessary."
ReplyDeleteThe kind of behavior represented by cyberbullying and online shaming is morally detestable. The kind of response it evokes in me is a visceral and unsophisticated one. However, it's at the point when my indignation reaches its high that I realize that I have the same capacity for that behavior as anyone else. It's sad, but it's human. It has no aim, except to denigrate and degrade another human for "blood sport," as Monica Lewinsky put it, and it shouldn't ever happen. There are other ways to deal with moral or personal errors, and the internet is not the place for those solutions to be acted out.
Something else that stood out to me was what she said about humiliation being more deeply felt than anger or happiness. It's incredibly strong, and little effort on the aggressor's part can ruin a person. That's why I need to be more empathetic. What I said earlier about this behavior being a human inclination doesn't excuse it. I am in control of my own actions - often unfortunately - and I am responsible for what I do, instinctual or not. If I learn to be more empathetic and forgive others' mistakes and shortcomings as I would want my own to be, then that will be a step in reducing the effects of cyberbullying, and hopefully discourage the behavior altogether.
Yes, that hit me, too! It is so true when you think of it. Humiliation is so much harder to work through than either anger or happiness. They are fleeting whereas humiliation is like a result with lasting impact.
DeleteAlthough I had heard about the events that took place in Monica's scandal, I had never encountered a source in which she spoke about the issue. They articles were always written based on what others determined as opposed to having information from someone who was actually involved.
ReplyDeleteIn listening to this TED talk, my heart broke for Monica. Her mistake was indeed naive, but the way in which she was exploited did not justify what she did. It was harsh, unnecessary, and maybe even worse than what she had done. Upon talking about Tyler, I felt bad for the things that not only she went through, but the pain that was also being inflicted on her family and parents. The lack of context that was given to the issue demonstrates just how easy it is to loose meaning and genuine messages. The internet has allowed for many individuals to profit both monetarily and from other sectors. There lies an appicable truth behind "everyone had seen me, but not many knew me", because alot of what is posted on social platforms are simply facades.
With this, I definitely believe that we should learn to detach ourselves form these sinks that have engulfed us in undisputed hate and addiction. After struggling with confidence for so long, I have steered away from focusing on the lives of others and using that energy to focus and improve myself. I definitely believe there is a fine line between informing individuals and blowing things out of proportion for the sake of emotionally drawing out a reaction. Like Monica said, we need to focus less on the mistakes of others considering the fact that we all bear the same weight. We need to learn to be more empathetic and understanding of the situations that have universally and timelessly inflicted the same pain on man kind.
The thing that spoke to me the loudest was when Monica Lewinsky shared the story of the poor college boy who was publicly humiliated by his roommate. Hearing the story, it is so heartbreaking and hard to hear that things like this happen in the real world. Something, like the leaked video of the boy and the other person he was with being posted for the public to see without consent is extremely horrendous of a person to do. Especially considering that boy had not yet come out and no one knew who he was. Finding out that he took his own life because of this incident is what really hit home for me. I find it surprising that now a days people have a hard time living their life in private without social acceptance and ostracism. Obviously this is something the boy had not dealt with and was not ready for his peers to know and for somebody else to expose him and make him feel unaccepted when he wasn't even ready to share who he really was is heartbreaking. As a teenager growing up in the time of technology I feel as though it is almost my responsibility to shut down heinous acts of online bullying and exposing people for something that may not even be necessarily bad. I know what it feels like to be outcasted and poked fun at as online and its not fun. Shutting posts down that may either deteriorate another personals self confidence or even reputation is something that I feel I could do going forward.
ReplyDeleteEmilio:
ReplyDeleteWithin society there are many people around the world who have a high status or are even normal people whose lives change due to a single mistake. This same thing happened to Monica Lewinsky and it has just like her changed the lives of many. It is unbelievably easy for the people of modern society to publicly shame and judge people. With all of the seemingly great wonders that technology brings us, the ability to rapidly share and communicate information is something that has been used to degrade many because of their mistakes. The mistake Monica Lewinsky made was a simple one, yet it would define her identity and ruin her life. It was even at the point where she almost lost that life due to the horrible shaming she had experienced.
This TED talk was definitely eye opening, as we live in a technology dependent society, it brings many issues and possibilities for a person to make a mistake and be easily shot down for it. In the case of celebrities, there have been many who have taken years to build up their reputation and build up their possibly dream to a reality, however, with only some research of their past, that dream could be crushed instantaneously. This case has been seen recently as many people’s past is destroying their career. A single mistake back than could end something great today. This concept goes for everyone in society, for anyone who has ever made a mistake. The action of judging has become so common in life that there isn't a time where we jump to conclusions about a person without getting to know them or their story. It truly is a horrible thing that we are apart of today, all it takes is to read someone’s book before judging their cover and this wouldn’t be as great of an issue as it is today.
What spoke the loudest to me was that a private individual, such as Monica Lewinsky and Tyler Clementi, could become shamed in the public eye, solely for entertainment. I don’t understand why we are like this. I don’t understand how people are able to morally justify themselves in making money from extortion and leaking private conversations, photos, and videos. But what is worse is that people consume this content, and enjoy it. Our society loves to humiliate people but gain little from it, and those people who are humiliated lose everything.
ReplyDeleteWhen reading The Scarlet Letter, it seemed as if concealed sin is worse than a publicly known sin. However, after seeing the aftermath that public shame can have; with the death of Tyler Clementi, I understand that public shame can be too much to bear. After watching the TED talk, I felt slightly hopeless that this culture of public shaming would ever change. But I suppose all I can do is offer my compassion, support, and empathy to those who need it, and hope that it makes a difference to them. I’m not sure how the larger part of society can change, without us valuing our personal, human experiences and showing compassion to those closest to us first.
GREAT point!! In today's world, public sin is SO much more public!
DeleteWhat spoke to me the loudest was when Monica Lewinsky said that "for two decades now we have been sowing the seeds of shame and public humiliation in our culture" because what I've realized after reading this book is that this problem is not just within the last two decades, but has been going on for centuries. Which leads me to think that this isn't a cultural problem but a human one that has only been exacerbated by social media recently. I rarely engage in social media whether it be commenting, liking, or posting but after watching this talk I think it may be time to start but in a positive and constructive way.
ReplyDeleteRight? It is a part of human history. The methods have changed, but the effect is the same: people are publicly shamed.
DeleteMonica Lewinsky's message in this Ted Talk is powerful for many reasons. It brings light to an issue that is often brushed over, and considers the tremendous mental burden it can bring on an individual who is subjected to public humiliation and harassment. It reveals the selfish, inconsiderate nature of some human beings who lack the compassion to truly think before they act. It shows that, nowadays, online harassment and cyberbullying is NOT a joke - that what you say online may hurt somebody, deeply and perhaps even permanently. What spoke to me the loudest was Monica's point that, in this day and age, the frequency of public humiliation and harassment is greater than ever due to the accessibility and widespread use of the internet. This quote especially stood out to me: "This was not something that happened with regularity back then in 1998, and by this, I mean the stealing of people's private words, actions, conversations, or photos, and then making them public -- public without consent, public without context, and public without compassion." The power in this quote is found in its resounding truth. Times have changed so drastically since 1998 that, now, someone's life could be ruined with the click of a button. There is no doubt that social media and the internet now play a tremendous role in enabling people to publicly shame others, and it's easier than ever before.
ReplyDeleteTo change our shame culture today, the first step is to bring awareness to the issue. This seems fairly obvious, but people who are behind this public humiliation may not be totally aware of the effect their actions are having on their victims. By having speakers such as Monica Lewinsky, who have suffered terrible experiences and live to tell their own stories, speak out on the issue, perhaps more people will come to realize how grave the issue really is, and what they can do to help. Also, it is important that you don't feed into the problem and help it to grow. If you see someone post something cruel and humiliating about someone else, ignore it. Don't give it any attention. Block that person. Do not feed into it, otherwise you are contributing to the issue.
Yes--the public without consent thing is huge.
DeleteLewinsky is right that we live in a world infested with technology and cyberbullying. It's something people result to rather than confronting in person, because they can hide behind a screen and express their thoughts, potentially with people not even knowing who the heck they are. It takes away some sense of guilt from people and is seen more as "funny" to them because they are not physically enduring the reaction from their target. Though people are much more aware of cyberbullying and its effects, it still happens every day to people. Many people now try to shut them down and make them feel guilty, but it doesn't change the fact that what was posted was posted, and left an impact on the person it was directed towards. Technology is a wonderful thing that has helped people, and the world in many ways, but there can always be too much of a good thing. We have power with technology and social media that we may not have in person, the only dilemma is how we choose to use that power-- we can't control what decision people make in that regard, but the most we can do is to be the positive presences on social media in an effort to shut the cyberbullies out.
ReplyDeleteI agree - some of the things we laugh at as a society are so painful for the person going through it. We are too desensitized.
DeleteThis story with Monica Lewinsky is difficult for me to listen to, just because of how unjust it was for her. I love how she's taken this platform that she's been thrown onto and she is using for the better, she is using it to send a message and tell her story. I haven't had much experience with cyberbullying or bullying in general so it's hard for me to relate on this on a personal level. However this is opening my eyes for when I have children how thoroughly I will be regulating their phones, since it is bad know, I cannot imagine how bad it will be in 10 years from now. I also find it very interesting how she said that we have a responsibility with social media, and make sure we are posting with intention and not for attention. From this I can remember that my posts have power, and to use it wisely. Also I need to remember to simply have compassion and actively show it to those that I love, and to those that I do not.
ReplyDeleteWhat spoke loudest to me, more than anything, was how Monica Lewinsky has begun to own her narrative. Before I watched her tedTALK I read about her story and, understandably so, at the time both her and President Clinton blatantly lied about their relationship to the point that both of them were charged (and later acquitted) for perjury. I completely understand where she was coming from, but then to see her be so open and honest about the situation now was a little empowering, I'm not going to lie. Yes, it was difficult to listen to her story and her treatment then and now, but to see her overcome her situation and use her voice as inspiration for others going through similar situations spoke volumes to me. To change shame culture in my life, I'm going to make a concerted effort to be more empathetic and understanding. It's easy to look at situations from our own perspectives, making judgments along the way, but I think that when we look at those same situations from the eyes of those directly involved, our outlook drastically changes. Before making my own judgments, I'm going to try to be more understanding, and if I see others failing to be empathetic, I'm going to speak up about it.
ReplyDeleteYes. She has accepted her narrative, and in that difficult acceptance of her imperfection and her mistake, she has definitely found peace.
DeleteI wholeheartedly agree with the idea that publicly shaming others is nothing but a hazardous. Monica's story is rather sad. Her world-wide infamy is rather unfair to her. It goes to show that judgement is harmful and in order to grow. Monica did do something horrible but the amount of backlash she received is awful. I don't think she deserved this level of punishment. She makes an amazing point that the internet causes the private life of others becoming public. Tyler's story is heartbreaking. I am really proud of how Monica is taking her story and taking her battering to prevent others from receiving it. I hope that this world changes from this "world of humiliation" to a "world of celebration." I hope that I can play a role in stopping prejudice and humiliation and spread more positivity. For that, I am glad that I am in a school that is more united than others. I can only hope is that this goal is shared by others and the communities around us and the world can become much better.
ReplyDeleteI love that in the afterthought, she is capable of making jokes about it even though it is an obviously serious topic for her that still impacts her daily. She was the first one to understand the emotional hurt from thousands of people she's never met and how it can hurt more than physical pain in many cases. She was open and honest about everything so that anyone would be able to understand her point of view, regardless of how they felt about it. I feel that this is important before anyone is shamed or anything similar, if you don't know someone's personal view of what happened then how can you judge them for it? As Monica said, we all have regrets, and most of us are lucky enough that they are not able to bring themselves to the eyes of millions. I will most likely be trying doubly hard to not judge people from their actions until I hear why they did what they did.
ReplyDeleteI loved the Ted Talk from Monica Lewinsky. Some of the things she said hit very close to home for me. I related to a lot of the things she said, as I have also gone through some form of having bad rumors spread about me (most definitely not on the same scale of severity, though). Specifically, when she said that her parents made her as a grown adult shower with the bathroom door open for fear of her killing herself, it reminded me of when my mental state was the worst and my parents feared for me in the same way. I used to struggle a lot with my mental health, and listening to how Monica Lewinsky was able to cope with being ridiculed by essentially the entire world truly helped me think about ways to cope when things feel bad or like the world is falling apart. People always say that someone else has it worse, as if that is supposed to cure a mental illness, but hearing her tell her story was definitely eye opening to say the least.
ReplyDeleteAfter watching this TEDTalk, there was a greater amount of respect gained for Monica Lewinsky. As a society, we can agree that her actions were not the best and that her reputation had been completely destroyed due to the fact.However, what I found admirable was her ability to not only speak on her trauma and humiliation publicly, but her ability to use her experiences to inform and spread a large message on an important issue constantly present within society. The message of how public shaming and humiliation can be so cruel and violent. That people will always be against you, they will attempt to lie and manipulate you, and it can be quite overwhelming and traumatic. Personally, I could not imagine the type of shame, humiliation, and regret that she has gone through, alongside the cruel treatment from society and those around her, I can imagine how unbearable it may be. To see her find peace and use her past within a positive outlet is truly what stands out to me. This did change my perspective on public shaming/cyberbulling, as you never truly know or understand what someone is going through, or how they are negatively affected just because of "some words". It truly portrayed how it feels to be a victim of the harsh treatment of society and helps open your eyes and realize that one small thing you might see as no big deal, can lead to something way bigger than you could ever imagine.
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