THE PRICE OF SHAME: What it Means to Wear the Scarlet Letter in Today's Virtual World (Seniors Only)

Reading the Scarlet Letter is something high school English teachers have insisted upon for years.  It's a classic.  Its author is said to have forged a glittering path for great American literature.  It is a culturally significant work to which many sayings, subsequent works of literature, and films have alluded.  This is all true.  As we read a work like this, it is easy to get caught up and tangled in the older more eloquent language and the extremely religious lifestyle and culture of American Puritans.  As we read Hester's story, we shake our heads in disbelief.  Who could imagine a society in which personal private decisions are against the law, and punishable in a very public way?

Adultery, while a breach of the marriage contract, is not a legal matter anymore.  It is not against the law to be punishable by prison time and social ostracization.  But we are very naive if we believe that private decisions and actions/behaviors go unpunished in today's society.  We are even more naive if we believe that sins like promiscuity or adultery do not face heavy social penalties despite the fact that they are not within arm's reach of the law.

If Hester Prynne were alive and real today, she may not have spent three months in a physical jail cell, but in many ways, I am sure it would have felt like that.  There are no more town center platforms complete with hanging scaffolds and stocks, but social media has raised public humiliation to an all time new high and extended the critical stares and pointing fingers out and beyond the town walls.

So, while we may not be able to imagine living in a society that can legally have a person shunned and socially banned for scandalous decisions, the effect is ultimately the same:  the one charged with the sin and convicted on Facebook, Twitter or Snapchat is still left with a very clear message that he or she is social pariah.

I find it quite appropriate that we are reading  Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter through the season of Lent in preparation for Easter and the advent of spring.  Many of us will be observing Lent, a time when we reflect on our significance, the preciousness of life, and the grace of redemption.  The season of spring, itself, likewise, is often seen as a time of renewal and growth. This is what Hester Prynne sought in the sunlit forest.  It is what many people today seek in the warmth of a smile, a kind word, a forgiving heart or a compassionate ear.

In the following TED Talk, Monica Lewinsky, a woman all too familiar with living in the spotlight of technologically advanced shaming, shares a little bit of her personal story of what it is like to be branded with the scarlet A, and explains why she has chosen this time in her  life to stand up and do something about it.  The biggest message?  The price of shame since Hester's time has escalated, and sometimes it is ultimately too high for the victim to pay.   Watch the video and then comment on two things:  what spoke to you the loudest and what YOU will personally do to change our shame culture today.

We live in interesting times.  We feel more sophisticated, yet our own petty and cruel natures still surface in even more deadly ways. We feel more accepting of different beliefs and lifestyles, yet have the ability to smear a man's or woman's reputation irreparably with the click of the mouse.  We shake our heads at racism, sexism, and discrimination and then turn to our friends and share  malicious gossip about someone else, all the time telling ourselves, "I may make mistakes, but I would NEVER do what she did!"  So, that begs the question then:  what do we do?

When gossip is shared in the hallways, walk away.  Don't take part in it or even give it your listening ear.  If someone is being bullied or whispered about, stand up for him or her rather than remaining silent. And, if someone is being ostracized or shamed online, reach out to the victim and counter it with a word of encouragement and then report it.  Brene Brown, psychologist and expert on shame, tells us that "shame cannot survive empathy."  The price of public shaming can ultimately be death: emotional and, if it gets too hard to bear, physical.  The weapon we need to fight this deadly poison is compassion.

Make sure your arsenals are full.

https://www.ted.com/talks/monica_lewinsky_the_price_of_shame?language=en

THERE, THEIR, THEY'RE: Comforting grammar anxiety in a "syntaxed" world...

There are many quite unflattering names to describe those individuals for whom proper grammar and syntax is extremely important:  The Grammar Hammer, Grammar Nazi,  OCGD's (obsessive compulsive grammar disorder), and Grammar Police are only a few examples.

I guess it makes sense that our current culture would refer to these grammar gurus in a negative way.  After all, we live in a high-tech, speed-of-light, word-counting world, and these detail crazies are annoying. We don't have time to write out the whole words. And that extra button to capitalize the personal I?  Well, it can be a personal pain that interrupts the texting flow.  Numbers have started to find their way into our words:  l8r, m8, let's go sk8ing, for the sake of time and a strange sort of cleverness I don't fully understand.  As far as capital letters to begin our sentences or put nouns in their "proper place?" (only the true grammar nerds will get that one) That is almost a dead art.

Believe it or not, I was your age once.  I remember believing that it was more about the creativity and "word painting" ability as a writer than where the commas and semi-colons belonged.  I wanted my writing to move people, to make readers fall in love with my characters and sit on the edge of their seats with my masterful conflict weaving; I wanted to make them see something differently, or maybe even REALLY see something for the first time.   Punctuation?  That was cute, too, but not as important as style.  Much to my chagrin, Marina High School's Honors English III teacher, Mr. Hole, had a very different point of view...

The first piece of writing I ever turned in to him was a narrative.  I was very proud of that narrative and expected to receive some encouraging comments of recognition when it was returned.  Instead, my paper floated back to me in a river of red ink. I was crushed, and if I am completely honest, I was also indignant... and a little bitter.

For a while, I was afraid to write for Mr. Hole.  I experienced blocks that I had never known as a writer.  I was convinced my past glowing reports were all just a sham, and now that I had entered the world of REAL writers, well, I just plain wasn't one.  I went to see him during office hours every time we had a paper due, brimming with all sorts of insecure questions.  I would write, rewrite, throw away, and write again before I would show anything to him.   Then, one day, he said this to me, and it really changed everything:  "Kristin, you are a great writer. You are creative, and I can tell you have a genuine love of words and storytelling.  You must believe you are an artist.  But what good will any of that do you if people cannot clearly see the vision you have poured out on the page?"

It stuck.  I even wrote it down to remind myself of that.  What good, indeed?  Furthermore, what if a poorly placed comma or missing semi-colon placed my work in a negative light for an intelligent, syntax-savvy reader?  This was a necessary, humbling experience that not only made me a better, more effective writer, but it also made me realize how complex the process of creating communication really was...and you know what?  It SHOULD be!  Communicating effectively deserves our time and close attention!  Words are extremely powerful!  We have certainly explored that notion quite a bit this year.  But that power is quickly drained in untrained hands.  Nathaniel Hawthorne said it best: "Words: so innocent and powerless as they are standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows well how to combine them."

So, why should you care?  Well, for one, like it or not, the professional world cares.  According to  an article in Forbes Magazine (dated March 11, 2013),  "....good grammar is a fairly accurate predictor of professional success."  Apparently, there are studies to prove it.

1.  Professionals with fewer grammar errors in their profiles had achieved higher positions.  The profiles of those who'd failed to achieve director-level positions within the first ten years of their careers made almost three times as many grammatical errors as their director-level colleagues.

2.  Fewer grammar errors correlate with more promotions.  Professionals with six to nine promotions made 45% fewer grammatical errors than those who'd been promoted 1-4 times.

In the article, Forbes interviewed iFixit CEO Kyle Wiens, who maintained that grammar skills typically indicate positive workplace traits, including but not limited to attention to detail, critical thinking , and intellectual aptitude.

You don't need to be a Forbes editor or a Fortune 500 CEO to know that you only get one chance to make a first impression.  In our tech-savvy world, most communication is now written and sent via email or text messaging. When face time technology is used, grammar and syntax skills still come through in verbal communication: "With whom shall I conference on this topic?" vs. "Who do I follow up with?"  OR  "Where shall we meet on Friday?"  vs. "Where do you wanna meet up at this Friday?"

I'll admit that last so-called sentence I just typed made me CRINGE!  Yuck!  As picky as I have become about grammar now, years after high school,  I still do not profess to be perfect or even nearly so when it comes to English grammar and syntax, but I do strongly believe in its great significance.  As you revise and edit your essays in this class and future ones, please take the time to consult grammar and syntax resources, such as the classic Elements of Style book that graced many an English major's personal libraries.  It is time very well spent, as it makes such a difference in how others perceive you as a communicator!  We may be moving from the calligraphy pen to the stylus, but that just means communication is more readily available and easy to access.  Now, more than ever, it is important to be an excellent, effective communicator... literally!

Please take a moment to enjoy these humorous blog commentaries through the links below.  They really make grammar fun and a bit hilarious, too!  The first one about the "alot" is one of my favorites, and it will certainly give you a much needed comic relief, but on another level, it will also show you how seriously the Grammar Hammers of the world take this issue.  Hey, let's be honest, you should probably take it seriously, too, because according to Forbes, these Grammar Nazi, OCGD, Grammar Police will most likely be your employers and promoters someday!

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

https://theoatmeal.com/comics/who_vs_whom

https://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon

Enjoy reading the blog posts on these links and comment on your favorite!  Then, confess:  What is your biggest grammar or editing challenge?  How do you plan to tackle it this spring?

I Simply Remember....MY FAVORITE THINGS!

Once again, Christmas is in the air, hopefully bringing us warm memories of time well spent with those we love. Better than the presents we give and receive is the presence we offer with our friends and family--time spent truly savoring each others' company, setting aside all the daily stresses and responsibilities, if only for a little while.  Taking time to stop and look at all of the beauty around us, to engage in deep conversation, to get out and enjoy the beauty of nature here in the desert; these are all good ways to refocus, set new goals for the upcoming year, and empower ourselves to pursue our dreams.  Another way is to stop and consider all the things we love, those things that make us smile --things for which we are so grateful...and then, put pen to paper.

Christmas is the best time to do this, for sure, but it is important, as our dear friend Charles Dickens suggests, to keep Christmas alive and well in our hearts, all the year through.  As we prepare to say goodbye to 2018, a year of some incredible highs and lows, to be sure; I am, once again, renewing the "My Favorite Things" post: an annual activity to make a list of the things that each of us holds most dear--those things we love and cherish in this life.

So, to review for those who have done this before, and to introduce to those who are new to the blog this year, here are the rules for the annual Favorite Things post:  Make a list of your 25 most favorite THINGS.  The key word is THINGS.  No people allowed on your list.  That removes the pressure you may feel to name every family member and friend.  People and things should never be categorized together.  People come first.  This list is much more light-hearted.

This was REALLY tougher than I thought to narrow it down to 25 for me (initially, I was afraid I would draw a blank!) but here is what came to mind first for me.  Try to just take pen to paper and write what comes to your mind first.  These will probably be the most honest.  :)

Let's begin this beautiful Christmas Season, and ring in the New Year with a list of all the things we love...those things for which we are most grateful, shall we?


MRS. CARAWAY'S FAVORITE THINGS...(in no particular order)

1.  Cathedral bells
2.  The sounds of my sons playing piano
3.  London's Christmas Market
4.  Christmas Eve and all the decorations
5.  Watching my daughter dance
6.  Normandy - and being in the presence of REAL heroes

  

7.  Paris at twilight...I mean, check out the light!!  WOW!!

8.  Kauai...walking on the beach = heaven!
9.  WW2 History.  I cannot get enough.
10. Handwritten letters from people you love
11.  Word-smithery (The joy of reading it and practicing it - words put together beautifully and powerfully so that you lose all sense of time)
12.  Stories that stay with me.
13.  Things that sparkle (candlelight, glitter, jewels, etc)
14.  Standing on the stage at night after a last rehearsal - anticipation everywhere.
15.  The color RED
16.  Really good French wine...and French food...and everything French.

17.  Twinings English Tea...served with REAL carrot cake and cream cheese frosting!

18.  The sound of my children laughing out loud together
19.  Old photographs
20.  Outrageous shoes
21.  Unexpected discoveries around hidden corners in my travels through Europe
22.  My faith and the mystery of GRACE.
23. PERFUME
24.  Riding on Airplanes to new and exciting places
25.  Love and lasting friendships

Now, it's your turn... 

Make YOUR list....it cannot include people.  It must be a list of things (which may include sounds and feelings).  

May this mark an attitude of gratitude in your heart, that you may keep the joy and love of Christmas all year through!  

A DATE THAT SHALL LIVE IN INFAMY: A REFLECTION ON PEARL HARBOR, DECEMBER 7, 1941

A recent graduate of the United States Naval Academy, Ensign John Landreth had specifically requested a commission on the U.S.S. Nevada due to its fame as "a great ship for wrestling."  Landreth had been a wrestler at the Academy, so this ship was a perfect fit for him...

All that past summer and autumn, Landreth and the other members of the crew held wrestling tournaments on board the ship in the spirit of friendly competition, as well as to keep fit and blow off steam.  There was much to cause anxiety.  Most Americans, whether they liked to admit it or not, realized that war with Japan was inevitable at this point.  Tensions were very high, and "talks" seemed to be going nowhere; neither side was willing to budge on any terms.  So, wrestling became as much a part of Landreth's official duties on the ship as anything else, to keep all the sailors focused and in shape mentally and physically, as he became their unofficial "coach."

Landreth was the eighth junior officer in the Sixth Division of the anti-aircraft unit aboard the Nevada on the morning of December 7, 1941.  He had  awakened early, and was on his way to breakfast when an alarm sounded..."I remember thinking, what a low blow, having a fire drill on Sunday morning."  It never occurred to John that it could be the real thing.  The Nevada had conducted numerous drills the weeks leading to December 7.  "As I half-heartedly loped up the hatch to the main deck, machine gun fire assaulted the deck."  He quickly rushed to his post at the anti-aircraft guns.  It was then that Landreth caught his first, unforgettable glimpse of the horror that surrounded him:  The U.S.S. Oklahoma had been capsized, and the U.S.S. Arizona exploded directly in front of him in a bright display of flames, smoke, and twisted metal that flew like rockets in every direction.

There was no time to even process the turmoil and carnage.  Japanese dive bombers began to descend on the Nevada at that moment.

Commander Robertson, the leader of the Nevada, shouted his orders above the fray: "All ammunition boxes must remain completely filled and guns in the ready position!"  He sensed the imminent attack.  Although against Navy regulations, this order allowed Landreth and the other gunners to return fire faster than any other ship on the island.  While the dive bombers began to swarm,  they dropped their bombs with little accuracy.  Landreth, himself, survived these close encounters as two bombs missed the Nevada.  "The third one landed just eleven inches away from me," he recalls.

On board the U.S.S. West Virginia, Ensign Archie Parmalee Kelley, who was an assistant damage control officer on the lowest deck, heard
calls of "Away, fire and rescue party" as bombs burst on Ford Island.  At first, Kelley and his shipmates viewed the call with skepticism.  But when a second call came immediately following saying, "General Quarters.  Man your battle stations!  This is no shit!"  they knew it was for real.  Kelley explains, "This use of language was necessary as the call to man battle stations occurred all throughout the summer to initiate drill sessions.  They needed us to know beyond any doubt that this was no drill!"  Kelley rose quickly and rushed to his station.  His job was to close all watertight doors to prevent further flooding in the ship.  The West Virginia received seven torpedoes and three bombs, but did not sink that day due to Kelley's quick decision making.  As soon as he reached his post, he discovered the compartment on the opposite side was flooding rapidly.

 "As I closed the watertight seal, I caught a quick glimpse of four men entering the compartment on the other side.  My heart sank."  The men desperately tried to reopen the watertight door.  Horrified, Kelley looked up at his commanding officer with the unspoken question.  Commander Harper slowly shook his head:  "No."  The order was clear.  They heard the torturous sounds of the men screaming as they frantically fought for their last breaths of life.  Though correct, and effectively saving the lives of forty men at the cost of four, Kelley's decision and the commanding officer's order had been a bloodcurdling one that would forever change Archie Kelley.   Life would never be the same.

Across the ocean, back to the mainland, Midwest, in the dairy farming community that formed the outskirts of small town Brookings, South Dakota, young Dwight Sloat peddled as fast as he could on his squeaky, old, red Schwinn.  He had just heard the announcement on the radio that had interrupted the usual music broadcast that played on Sunday afternoon.  His father, brother, and he had come home from church and sat down to a meager lunch of canned tomatoes, milk, bread and butter.  Times were very tough for his family, but he knew there were several farms beyond his own that did not even have a radio and would not have any way of hearing the news.  He stood up, pedaling faster up the hills, his heart pounding fiercely against his chest from exertion and the adrenaline of pure fight or flight.  The war was here.  There was absolutely no doubt that President Roosevelt would get his declaration from Congress now.

Dwight's older brother, Clayton, and his friends had talked about enlisting if and when America went to war.  Would his brother have to go away and face a fiery death like the men on the ships of Pearl Harbor?  Would the Japanese come to the mainland?  Would bombs fill the skies...even way out here above South Dakota?  What would this mean?  What would life be like now?  Dwight shook away his swarm of frightening, unwanted thoughts.  Right now, he had his own mission:  He just had to make sure and tell everyone the news...

There were no "safe zones" in Pearl Harbor that morning of December 7, 1941.  That day, 2,403

of America's sons were killed along with 1,178 wounded.  America lost two battleships while six were severely damaged.  The Navy and Army Air Corps lost a total of 169 planes with another 159 damaged.  The attack had come as a complete and total surprise that Sunday morning; the code which signaled the attack ("Tora, Tora, Tora") led to two waves of air assaults which lasted just an hour and fifteen minutes.  While at the time, this seemed like a total and complete disaster for the U.S. Navy, it was, as it turned out, quite the opposite.  In actuality, it was the greatest mistake the Japanese Imperial Army and Naval forces ever made. As the surviving Japanese pilots returned to the "Banzai" cheers of their compatriots later that morning, the architect of the attack, the American educated Admiral Isoruoku Yamamoto, was speechless.  While grave damage had certainly been done to the battleships, none of the carriers had been sunk that day.  It was at that moment, that Yamamoto uttered the immortal and, as it turned out, prophetic words:  "I fear we have awakened a sleeping giant and filled him with a terrible resolve."

We would be hard pressed to find a better illustration of perseverance, determination, and commitment than Pearl Harbor.  America lost so much on that day, that is for sure.  December 7, 1941 was a day of national grieving, anger, confusion, weeping, pain, and bitterness.  But America gained a great deal more than she realized.  America learned who she was as a people and a country, and, united, she would discover a strength she didn't realize she had.  Americans would take a stand not only for their own freedoms but for those of other nations and people--strangers suffering on other shores, far away...

The only thing certain about the future is its uncertainty.  The lessons learned from Pearl Harbor, and its aftermath, are priceless.  They include, really, volumes upon volumes of accounts from ordinary people who answered a call in a dark time to become extraordinary.  I hope that you will take some time this week to reflect on this day in our history.  I hope you will take time to honor the great sacrifices of so many great men and women.  I hope you will take time and remember that day that shall truly live in infamy...

Never let it be forgotten.

Click on the links here...

 1.  Watch a very well researched and recreated reenaction of Pearl Harbor's attack on December 7 from the movie, Pearl Harbor.  While the movie, itself does not have much rooting in history, the attack was very respectfully researched and recreated at great expense for the big screen.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv1niwxQgoY

2.  Then, listen to the actual radio announcement to see what it was like for families in America like Dwight's (my dad's).  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_f9A3fwn6w

3. Finally, watch the complete recording of  F.D.R's speech to Congress the next day.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lK8gYGg0dkE

Then, write your own reflection on Pearl Harbor.  What have you learned and come to appreciate?

(Sources:  "Reflections of Pearl Harbor," by Anthony Isola; "First Hand Accounts of December 7, 1941 in Pearl Harbor, by William Brown; A personal conversation with my father, Dwight Sloat)

A YOUNG GIRL, A BIG COURAGE, SOME BRAVE WORDS

The title of this post describes a girl named Sophie Scholl, who was a member of the German Resistance Group, The White Rose.  

On the twenty second of February in 1943, Sophie, her brother Hans and their friend Christoph Probst were found guilty of treason and condemned to death.  Their crime?  The distribution of six anti-Nazi political resistance leaflets.  They had been arrested while distributing the sixth leaflet at the University of Munich just four days earlier.

All three were beheaded by a guillotine in Munich's Stadelheim Prison at 17:00 hours.  The execution was supervised by Walter Roemer, the enforcement chief of the Munich district court.  He along with other prison officials, in later reports describing the scene, emphasized the great courage of the young 22 year old girl as she walked to her execution.  Her complete last words were recorded as follows:  

How can we expect righteousness to prevail when there is hardly anyone willing to give himself up individually to a righteous cause?  Such a fine, sunny day, and I have to go, but what does my death matter if through us, thousands of people are awakened and stirred into action?

Following her death, a copy of the sixth leaflet was smuggled out of Germany through Scandinavia to the UK by German jurist Helmuth James Graf von Moltke, where it was used by the Allied Forces.  In mid-1943, they dropped over Germany millions of propaganda copies of the tract, now retitled The Manifesto of the Students of Munich...

Sophie's legacy had begun...and it rained down on all of Germany as a warning.

In a historical context, The White Rose's legacy is significant as a demonstration of exemplary spiritual courage and as a well-documented case of social dissent in a time of violent repression, censorship and conformist pressure.

It also teaches us that while words can be manipulated and twisted in pretty ways to lead a nation into committing heinous acts of murder, torture and war, they may also be used to proclaim truth, which is ultimately the mightiest sword in any arsenal.

Playwright Lillian Garrett-Groag stated in Newsday on February 22, 1993:  "It is possibly the most spectacular moment of resistance that I can think of in the twentieth century.  The fact that five little kids, in the mouth of the wolf, where it really counted, had the tremendous courage to do what they did, is spectacular to me."

In the same issue of Newsday, Holocaust historian Jud Newborn noted that:  "You cannot really measure the effect of this kind of resistance in whether or not X number of bridges were blown up or a regime fell...The White Rose really as a more symbolic value, but that's a very important value."

I would personally argue that Sophie Scholl and The White Rose Resistance has more than just symbolic value.  It represents the essence of what every human being is called to be:  a protector of truth, a defender of the innocent, and a warrior for freedom.  This, in the case of young Sophie, may prove to be deadly in a world where so often truth is abhorrent to those who hunger for their own personal gain and power; but it is that quiet gnawing in the soul and heart of all human beings--that part of ourselves that can hear the voice of that truth and realize that it is, in fact, something worth dying for.

The Power of Words.  The Power of the Truth they can wield.  It is immeasurable.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a Lutheran pastor and another member of the German Resistance who was tortured then executed for treason against Germany once said:  "Silence in the face of evil is, itself, evil:  God will not hold us guiltless.  Not to speak is to speak.  Not to act is to act.  The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children."

Powerful words.  Convicting words.  They acknowledge that our voice, when used for truth--when used as a weapon to admonish evil outright and out loud to the world--is what defines our character.  Inaction is, in fact, a choice of action.  Silence is also speaking volumes.  Sophie knew this.  Her executioners knew this, too.  She made her choice, and I believe that because it was the right one--the truth--that she was able to face her death in peace and with a clear conscience.

On May 9, 2014, Google depicted Sophie Scholl for its Google Doodle on the occasion of what would have been her 93rd birthday.  She is, apparently, an inspiration to Google.

She is also a great inspiration to me.

Please take the time to read about Sophie in the article below.  She is worth your time, I promise! If you like what you read and want to be inspired further, there is a great YA novel based on her lived titled The Silenced.  There is also an incredible movie:  Sophie Scholl: The Final Days  that I highly recommend.  I have also included the trailer to that movie below.  Please look at BOTH and give me your comments.

Here is to Words and their saving power.  Here is to truth and courage.

Here is to the White Rose.

"Always stand up for what's right; even if you're standing alone." ~Sophie Scholl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM5A4ETW_Io

http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Holocaust/rose.html

TRUE GRIT: PUSHING BEYOND THAT FORTY PERCENT

To this day, I believe the most incredible speech ever given by a human being is McRaven's inspiring commencement speech at the University of Texas:  "If You Want to Change the World, Start by Making Your Bed."  That has become my favorite pep talk to rewatch - even though I still struggle with making my bed on a daily basis.  I had the opportunity to read an interview with McRaven and others, and once again, I was stunned.  When training the future SEALS, McRaven said something to the effect that his job was not to teach them things they didn't know how to do. These guys are the best of the best when it came to physical conditioning and athleticism.  His job was to push them beyond that forty percent.

What does that mean?  Well, earlier in the interview, McRaven said that when we, as humans reach the point of exhaustion, we still have only used about sixty percent of our capacity.  That means, we have forty percent left. Forty percent!  That's a lot, when you really think about it!  So, what is it that holds us back from pushing harder?  What is it that keeps us from accessing that power that we have in our own reserve tank?  How do we learn to push beyond to achieve that result we so desire?

I have thought a lot about this over the years.  I have watched individuals and teams achieve what many had said was impossible.  I have seen people shut down incredible odds to realize their dreams. What is it, exactly, that enables them to do that?  I believe it is that same thing that sets the SEALS apart in their training as elites:  They manage to push beyond into that extra forty percent.

In my own experience and observation, and in listening to those who have coached and achieved the impossible, here is what I have learned:

1.  "Any team can win on any given day" (Terry Bradshaw).  It all comes down to gumption.  How badly do you want this?  How far are you willing to push yourself to get it?  My mother used to say all the time, "Is this a mountain you want to die on?"  Same thing.  How important is it?  Your mind is king when it comes to pushing your physical limits.  Many think it is the condition of the body.  It is, to a degree.  But even more powerful is the will of your mind.  It is profound.  In short, passion is just about everything.

2.  "Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment" (Jim Rohn).  My dad called this work ethic.  Achieving the impossible requires discipline.  Discipline requires denying yourself things that you want now for the ultimate goal you dream to achieve then.  I have been very hard on my kids when it comes to this one.  Maybe your parents have, too.  You can play later.  Work and chores first.  It's a lesson I started learning very young.  My own father lived in poverty in South Dakota.  His home didn't even have actual flooring - it was dirt.  They lost their farm once, and had to work hard to get it back.  He had to set out on his own at thirteen because he didn't want to be a farmer like his father. He lived at a boarding house, trading a place to live for cooking breakfast, cleaning, and other chores. He worked three  jobs in high school, and went ROTC to pay for university.  After serving his country in the Korean War and landing a job with a huge retailing company, he promised loyalty as an executive with that company in exchange for them financing his Masters at NYU.  He was a self-made millionaire.  When dad told us to finish our work and honor our commitments, we didn't challenge him!

3.  "I like criticism.  It makes you strong" (LeBron James).  Another thing that separates the wildly

successful from the moderately successful is their ability to take and apply criticism.  If I may be perfectly candid, our society has, in SO many ways, gone soft.  We have spent so much time focused on making everyone feel good about themselves, we have lost that art of offering and seeking constructive criticism.  If you cannot take criticism, you cannot grow.  You cannot develop.  You cannot challenge yourself to push harder.  Character is built through adversity, not compliments and fluff.  I like this metaphor:  Adversity is a knife that carves out character.  Embrace opportunities that come disguised as challenges.  They make you strong.  They make you better.

4.  "Have patience.  Everything is difficult before it is easy" (Saadi).  Sometimes, the fastest way to something is far from the best way.  I have found in my life that anything that is worth having requires both hard work AND patience.  You may hear a thousand no's, but all you need is that one yes!  Instead of hearing no, hear "Not Now."  Waiting is SO hard....but anyone who has had to endure waiting knows it takes a lot of energy.  Patience is the art of enduring the wait and keeping the upbeat, will do (not can do) attitude.

5.  "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail" (Ralph Waldo

Emerson).  Closely related to patience (I call it patience's twin) is persistence.  You must have the endurance to persevere.  At the risk of using a corny runner's metaphor, Life is a marathon, not a sprint.  To those with big dreams, it is a race.  You need to tackle it as such.  Looking forward to what lies ahead is much more productive than looking back.  Use the hard lessons, pain and hurt to propel you forward. You'll be a better person with a stronger character and lots of wisdom that way when you do reach your summit!

In all of this, be kind.  Accept the help and support of others, and when you have achieved, offer what you have learned to those who are in the midst of the storms of struggle.  Inspire others!  And always, above all things, be grateful.  Nobody reaches beyond that forty percent without someone shouting encouragement and urging them on along the sidelines.

I hope this is helpful in some small way.  At the very least, maybe it will give you something to think about as you assess your goals and dreams, your gifts and talents, and your willingness to push beyond that forty percent.

Attached, are two articles about pushing beyond limits.  As our theme this year is Perseverance, I have also attached a very interesting Ted Talk about Grit and how it is really our "Grittiness" not our natural intelligence, that is the best predictor of future success.

After you read the articles below,  listen to the Ted Talk, and take the Grit test, respond to this blog by giving YOUR advice for pushing beyond that 40%.  What was your Grit Score?  What does grit and determination look like for you?

Article #1:  https://hbr.org/2012/07/how-hard-are-you-willing-to-pu.html
Article #2:  http://dereklauber.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-summiting-everest-running-inventing-light-bulbs/

Grit and Perseverance Ted Talk  https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_grit_the_power_of_passion_and_perseverance?language=en
Grit Test:  https://sasupenn.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_06f6QSOS2pZW9qR?Q_JFE=qdg   

KNOW THYSELF: 2018

Communication break-down can occur at any time and in many different settings.  There's Group
Project Anxiety: everyone has great ideas at discussion meetings, but you feel like the only one with a sense of urgency to get any actual work done.  There's Discussion Frustration:  whenever you engage in a discussion with your group, you feel as if your thoughts and ideas are not valued or brushed aside with no regard to your feelings.  And finally, there is just sheer information overload: why is it that after a full day of school, you feel completely zapped of energy, consumed by an overwhelming need to be where people are not?

We all realize that we are social creatures.  We seek out and thrive within interpersonal relationships.

We long to be heard and appreciated, to create and explore.  This is probably not new information.  Rewarding as they may be, however, relationships of every type are complex and not without their difficulties.  People are different.  Where we come from, our experiences, our beliefs, and our DNA all go into who we are, how we see and interpret the world, and how we communicate.

Many corporations have invested large sums of money on consultants with one goal in mind:  to improve inter-office communication and efficiency.  Where do you begin?  The communicators, themselves!  Knowing who you are helps you to better understand how and why you communicate the way that you do.  Knowing who your co-workers are can help you better understand how to communicate with them more effectively and efficiently.

So, as Aristotle taught centuries ago, we will begin by seeking the wisdom that comes from knowing ourselves.  Here is a link to a personality inventory:  http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test  Once you complete the test, you can have your results emailed to yourself and you can read all about your personality type: how you relate to others, how others see you, how you work, etc.

The test takes about 20 minutes, but it provides a wealth of information as it analyzes four distinct areas of personality and then adds a fifth area that analyzes overall identity.  It is created from a combination of the infamous Myers/Briggs and Carl Jung's Theory of Psychological Types.  The four areas are explained as follows:

1.  Introversion vs Extroversion: (I vs. E) This is more than just "shy" vs. "outgoing."  In fact,

according to Jung, it is really not about that at all.  It has to do more with where you get your energy.  Do you find yourself getting energized when you are around others, or do you find that you need to be away from people to re-energize?
2.  Intuitive vs. Sensing: (N vs. S) Intuitives are creative, imaginative and curious individuals who are open-minded.  They tend to go with novelty over stability and see/feel possibilities.  They tend to have strong discernment in new situations.  Sensing or Observant individuals are practical, pragmatic and down to earth.  They tend to have strong habits and rather than going with their gut, they are more focused on what has happened or what is happening.

3.  Feeling vs. Thinking: (F vs. T) Feeling individuals are sensitive and emotionally expressive.  They are more empathetic and tend to be less competitive than T's.  They tend to focus on social harmony

and cooperation.   Thinkers focus on objectivity and rationality, prioritizing logic over emotion.  They tend to hide their feelings and value efficiency over cooperation.

4.  Judging vs. Perceiving or Prospecting: (J vs. P)  Judging personalities are decisive, thorough and highly organized.  They value clarity, predictability and closure preferring structure and planning to spontaneity.  Perceiving individuals are good at improvising and spotting opportunities.  They are flexible, relaxed, non-conformists who prefer to keep their options open.

Identity Variables of Assertive vs. Turbulent: (A vs. T)Assertive types are confident, self-assured and pretty resistant to stress.  They do not push themselves too hard.  The turbulent types are self-conscious and sensitive to stress. They are perfectionistic types who experience a wide array of emotions.

So, test away, and then....
1.  IDENTIFY YOUR FOUR LETTER PERSONALITY, then put a dash, and A OR T.
2.  COMMENT ON ANY SURPRISES OR EXPECTATIONS.
3.  NOW, as a BONUS, click this link, and find out if you are more left or right brained, and let me know your results!  https://www.arealme.com/left-right-brain/en/

 For example:  I am an INFJ - T.   This was absolutely no surprise to me, but a big surprise to those who know me, as I come across as an extrovert (SO not true!)   I think this is because I am a people pleaser, a trait I am working hard on to mellow.  I am also a J, but BARELY.  I need to feel organized in my environment, but DO NOT open any drawers!  They show my true, right-brained, messy creativity!  Now, it's your turn!


*Images by:  Kim Anderson Photography,  All rights reserved.